EP 53

Christi: Welcome to the smiling at the future podcast. My name is Christi Rose and this is my pursuit to glean practical wisdom on, femininity homemaking, finances relationships, and singleness from the God-fearing men and women in my life. Hope you enjoy this journey with me as we learn to smile at the future.

Christi: Hey, everyone. Today, I have the pleasure of welcoming, two of my five brothers onto the show to discuss questions surrounding sibling relationships. You will hear that my brothers are very smart and wise and that’s a testament to the Lord’s work in their lives. But the deep friendships that we have that have carried us even into adulthood is in large part due to the efforts our parents made and raising us to be not only siblings but also lifelong friends. So ladies and gents allow me to present the rose Bros Nate and David hello Nate and David thank you for agreeing to come on the podcast today and I didn’t even need to twist your arms into this. So thank you for making it so easy, but you guys are both more interesting than just to be labeled as Christi’s brothers. So would you tell us where in the sibling lineup, you fall and where the Lord has you in your life and Ministry.

David: All right, thanks Christi. Yeah. So this is David speaking and thanks for the invite on to your awesome podcast. I was actually getting flashbacks to when you used to have a star in your home movies, back in the days when you asked us to be on the podcast, those fun. Yeah. So I’m the youngest of the seven siblings. And currently, I’m 30 years old, I live in Southern California and currently I work at actually the same company as Nate, a company called Scorpion. And I have a wife and her name is Belen. We’ve been married for almost five years now, and we actually just had our first child this year. We have a daughter named Hannah. She’s just over five months old at this point.

Nate: And I’m Nathan. It’s a joy to be on the podcast. Again, for those few who heard the last episode, you’re probably aware that I’m a nerd. So I worked at the same company, David does, a local marketing company called Scorpion. I do data systems for them. And I am third of seven in the sibling order. So, I have an older brother and older sister, and then there’s a brother and then Christi, and then two more brothers. And I’ve been involved in the same church that Christi’s at for 13 years. Now, I help out with the college and young adult Bible study there. A huge blessing to be involved in that church and to see what God is doing in people’s lives and joy to be on and talk with a couple of siblings about the topic of being siblings.

Christi: And for the, his reference there at the beginning was because Nate, this is your second time being on and the first time you talked about how to protect your passwords and all things like cyber security. So if you need help with that any of the listeners go back and listen to it. It is a little more nerdy but very very practical and that is what this podcast is about. It’s about the practical. You can’t get more practical than how to walk wisely in family relationships and we’ve already covered being an aunt, being a daughter. And now, in today’s discussion, we’re talking about sibling relationships. And if you don’t have siblings and you’re an only child, I would ask that you keep listening because much of what is shared will be useful in other interpersonal relationships in your life. So we’re going to get the ball rolling with our first question, how did Mom and Dad help us in developing friendships with each other when we were growing up.

Nate: I have a pretty fun early memory of this. I was the youngest in the house for about six years and kind of enjoyed my spot of attention. And I remember when the first little baby came, one every two years between 6 and 12. I remember having a conversation with my mom where she helps me figure out how I was processing the changes. I was it was it was fun, but different and I think I was acting out and she helped me think through that, you have another brother in the house and he’s taking some of the focus. But this is a blessing from the Lord. This is why you’re feeling that way, why you’re acting this way? And for me, that was really helpful to just know how I was thinking through it. And, and why this was a good thing. And then from then on every time a new little sibling was added to the family, creative ways of announcing the birth, making it fun. We were all overjoyed and excited with every new little sibling that came and it’s just been such a blessing to see that play out over the years and see how God has used all the relationships in the siblings in each other’s lives how we’re able to be best friends and make a huge impact. So it was, it was neat how they really shepherded our hearts through, through that process. At least as being one of the older siblings. That was helpful.

Christi: Yeah. And I was thinking I probably should share about the lineup and our family. I think I’ve shared this before on the podcast but there are seven children, five boys to girls. And my parents had three kids, they thought they were done and then God laid it on their heart to give that area of their life over to the Lord. And six years later, they had four more kids in five years and my mom was pregnant up until she was 44 with David, the last in our family. So it’s kind of fun. We have the older group of siblings, we have the younger group, but in a way we kind of had that older person that buddy that person we looked up to, you guys weren’t our parents, but you did help with some of the watching of the kids and playing with us growing up. So yeah so that context is probably going to be helpful as we talked about about the topic of siblings. David, did you have anything you wanted to share?

David: Yeah no I like to say actually it took Mom and Dad seven tries before they got it right but all joking aside. I’m very grateful that the Lord did put it on their hearts and not stop with me and to continue having kids because otherwise I wouldn’t be here having this conversation right now. So I’m very grateful to that and for you know, for who are parents are and the decisions that they made and and trusting God with their lives and their future, which was unknown to them at the time, but yeah, so So from my perspective the youngest of the family and sorry I stole the spotlight from you Nate or all four of us that I guess in some way. I for this question specifically I was kind of thinking about thinking back on all of the just family time that we shared growing up and it was really cool. Like people always ask me what it was like growing up as a youngest of seven kids and I told them I have absolutely nothing to compare it to you because when you’re the youngest that’s your entire reality. Like you were never there. The only child or the youngest before another one showed up for a short period of time. So, but for my perspective it was awesome, I mean, I had all these awesome older siblings that I could look up to that. I could learn from their examples, both bad examples and good examples depending on the situation. But as far as how Mom and Dad really fostered, our friendships and relationships with each other growing up, I think there were very oriented toward pretty, putting a premium on family, activities, in trips and doing things as a family we were never really in a place or given opportunities to just kind of zone out and to stay in our own world growing up. We were always taking trips together, having meals together, sharing activities and quality outdoor time which is very looking back on it. And I’m very thankful that we had all that and our parents. You know, they were they were wise in how they chose to kind of limit our activities to a sense and limit the, the types of things that were in the home. So we we didn’t. They like grow up being parked in front of a TV or I guess these days would be like an iPad. We were given the freedom, the flexibility to explore outside and to build relationships with each other, through real experiences.

Christi: Yeah, great points.

Nate: David that, that was very much. Our Lives growing up, is a lot of playtime. A lot of interaction. And as older siblings, I know that our parents really encouraged us to invest in our younger siblings and each other and to include younger siblings in trips or outings camping trips, things like that to to have that, that long view of life that you were going to be our friends for the rest of our lives. And that even in certain times when there seemed to be a difference in station life and situation to think of you as friends and to invest in that and very grateful for that focus, and and doing that. And having you all as are best friends and see how that’s developed over the years. I’ve been one of the things that I know that they really helped us think through as children, is siblings as a unique relationship where you don’t get to choose your siblings and a lot of other relationships in life, you do get to choose your friends or even your spouse, but your siblings is a relationship that you’re kind of stuck with, but at the same time, that’s a blessing because Cuz we’re all very different and you see that in a big family that even in a similar home being raised by the same parents. We’re all very different and have a different approach to life thinking through things. And how amazing that is to see and to learn how to interact with somebody who’s very different from you. And I see a lot of parallels in that in the church. When we’re in the, the body of Christ, we often don’t get to choose who’s in the church with us. God saves people and brings men. And that’s a, that’s a blessing that we can invest in and love those who are different from us. And I think there’s a tendency sometimes in the church to kind of pick and choose who you interact with, and especially in large, churches, kind of make your, your world. Those you click with the most and growing up in a big family. And in small churches, we definitely had the mindset of making the best of the situation you’re in and the people around you. Learning to love them, sacrificially learning to understand them. And how much of a good thing that is to have that outlook in life.

Christi: Yeah, maybe those are such great points, and I’m glad you brought that out, you know, looking back on that. You never the older siblings in, our family, never made the younger siblings feel like burdens or Tagalongs. It was always like, we were a welcome addition in your lives. Like if you were even taking us along to your college Bible studies or things, you know, we were like 10 years old, 12 years old and we would just go with you places and and I think what was neat about that is that your friends became our friends and so that also helped us with maturity you know growing up and being able to interact with people of different ages and learn things from older people. Nate you would when you’re in college you would come home on the weekends and one of our favorite things that we would look forward to is Quiznos days home and on and memories. Yeah, David remembers those. We had this little Quiznos sub shop in our local town and every Sunday. Nate would take one of us, four, younger siblings out to lunch and buy us lunch and then just spend that hour talking with us and connecting with us and pouring into us. And so each of us got to do that once a month and they did that for years. I don’t know how many years. We joke that we kept that little Quiznos shop in business. It was a lot of fun.

Nate: Yeah. And and I good company and good food.

Christi: So yeah that you know those times we just invaluable just that investment and giving of your time that way. So yeah, really appreciated that. So how can siblings transition well from childhood to adulthood and how they interact and treat each other? Can you leave room for people to mature and grow? And, you know, we’re not always going to treat David like the youngest in the family. So what do you guys? How do you think siblings can do that? Well?

Nate: Yeah, like I mentioned before I think having that long term view of life of seeing the different stages of life as stages to appreciate and enjoy and not look forward too much to the future but also developing a younger sibling or somebody who is, say not married yet and helping encourage them in preparing for the next stages. As they prepared their first job or go through different relationships and so making time to interact with your siblings and really does help prepare for as you develop into adulthood.

David: Yeah. No, I think that’s a really good point Nate. And as far as like making time to that’s something that’s an intentional act. That’s not something that you do passively as with any relationship in your life. I think it, relationships grow and flourish through like intentionally spending time together and finding finding ways to share that time whether that’s through Ministry or through shared hobbies or interests and things. Like one thing that we’ve been getting into recently. Some of us brothers is golf and that’s been great because it allows us to spend, you know, good quality chunks of time together in a shared activity that we all find a lot of joy and without having those like shared activities, I mean, people’s lives get busy. It can be hard to To find the time. And it’s not always going to happen. Accidentally that you end up hanging out or spending time together, especially as you’re growing up and getting jobs, and going to college or getting married or like any other number of life stages that you enter into. But I think it is important. Like Nate was saying to kind of keep a long-term perspective as much as you can try to spend time together. Like, I mean, one example of this to is with technology that we have these days, it’s really great because we have a sister who’s in Africa right now but to still spend time with her or still maintain relationship with her over a long distance through messages or through video calls and things like that. And that’s something that I think it’s really cool. Like, whenever I see we have a family gathering or something, Nate is always including Michelle through different apps like Marco Polo or some other ones too kind of still maintain and foster those connections. So you know, it’s not something that you’re just accidentally letting slip away or grow colder over time.

Nate: I appreciate that David and I have liked the analogy of tying strings, starts doing that through a lot of different avenues, shared interests, connections of when you grow up in and have kids and having your kids interaction and become friends with their their cousins, but developing and cultivating, commonalities things that you appreciate you, enjoy doing together is a way to kind of prioritize that time that it takes to develop and nurture relationships over the years. Especially as people move and go into different areas. I remember my mom’s sister lived across the nation in New York, but would prioritize coming out and staying with us every year for a week or two. And we just so enjoyed the the the week with Aunt Jen and Uncle Howie and seeing them invest in us as their nieces and nephews. And so that was a neat example of a sibling investing in their nieces and nephews and helping us become the people that we are today. Another area that changes when you grow into adulthood is some of your your interactions with your siblings, matures, a lot of times and when you’re young people, it’s more based on competition or conflict. We never had conflict growing up, but we’ve heard other families had conflict conflict but but as you grow up, that changes, hopefully that is sometimes intentional sometimes conflict that you have that’s just squabbles as children. You can deep deep in into kind of shutting somebody out of your life or reacting to them and unwise ways. And so thinking through how to best interact with your siblings in mature ways is something that as as you grow in your faith, as you growing in understanding wisdom, that should develop. And something that you can think about in sometimes those immature attitudes of Shun or animosity can seat back in and so it’s something to Be watchful for.

Christi: Yeah, thank you for saying that Nate. All right, so, what if you were talking about sibling relationships now between mainly, like adult relationships, how would you recommend that a sister exhort a brother, or a sister? If you see something in their life that concerns you?

David: Yeah, no. I was going to say as, with any any type of exhortation or counseling that you might do in life, there’s certain things that you have to remember when you’re approaching someone. exhort them or to call them out, maybe on a bad or sinful pattern of behavior. And the first of that is that you remember that you’re a sinner counseling a fellow Center that you’re not coming to them from a vantage point of oh I got it all together. I you know I do it right. You need to be more like me for instance but just kind of remember to take the log out of your own eye. Before you deal with this speck in your in your brother’s eye is important and also in line with that to I mean you’re not really coming to them to share your own perspective. I think it’s, you know, it’s never a good approach to come to someone to tell them like oh like this is I don’t think you should be doing that. Because what what you think really doesn’t matter in the long run. It’s what God thinks. So you should be coming to them with the word of God, open and pointing them to the word. And you know if they have any sort of rebuttal or response to to your exhortation, it should be directed at God’s word. And what that has to say about the topic at hand because really, I mean, you can’t really come to someone and in tell them what to do because you think they should behave that way. It really just matters what God thinks. So I would say always remember to counsel someone else and not command or condemn them. I mean what this looks like is you know you’re never going to tell someone what to do. If someone has like an issue or they’re dealing with sin or something like you don’t want to give them advice that is going to lead them in the wrong way, but you can give them counsel and they can make the decision for themselves because it needs to come from their own heart. Yeah, I think for me, I’ve done this personally, you know, in my life and I’ve approached someone exhorting them. It’s something that you know, I always try to set my own heart straight beforehand and to really point and back to God’s word and what God has to say about it, and I’m going to say about whatever I’m approaching around that’s encouraging.

Nate: And one of the blessings and challenges of sibling relationships is that some of the people in your life that will know you, the deepest and have a have that perspective and often willingness to share this perspective of where they see issues. And as a sibling, we should be grateful for that and and receptive. But it can also be an area where when we see weaknesses or failures in another sibling. Sometimes those are the areas that are affecting us and rubbing us, the on way, we’re making our lives more difficult, we need to take a step back and make sure that we’re actually caring for the other person. What’s best for them. And not just correcting the irritation or the annoyance in our own life. And so having that view of, okay, I see this person, I see the sin in their life. What is what is my goal is my goal to fix it so that my life’s better. Where’s my goal? That they would be rid of this because it’s going to affect them and their future. So if we have that perspective and then sometimes putting some thought into how would you best share that in a way that would be received. Sometimes it’s easy to store up frustrations or observations like that into a time when it is boils over and becomes. We kind of just download on somebody the issues that we see in their life and often that’s not a time when they’re going to be receptive. To it. So I would say if you see if you see an area in a sibling, particularly if your sister and you have a brother, just be aware of that, you would want them to get a hold of that area. We shouldn’t be happy about the, the issues in each other’s lives. I mean, that’s that’s what love is. We see issues and other people’s lives and well, okay, that doesn’t affect me. I’m going to let it slide but often were not like that with her siblings for good reason because we care about them and we know where this bad pattern or laziness or something could take them in their life. So it’s good to to love them enough to share it, but to do. So in a thoughtful and humble way, and not just, you know, holding that in until it’s the wrong moment. Also just a word to four sisters who have brothers in the SuperFun know-it-all 15 to 20 plus year range. Like that’s it’s it’s not new to you. Like that’s that is a rough time for for guys as they learn and build their confidence. And a lot of times over confidence and are a little bit of a pain to just be patient and try to encourage them in ways that Inspire them for what they could be. Some fun memories of like you carry a A box of paper towels and for my grandmother and she how you’re so strong and yours. It’s absurd comment. But at the same time it was that was, you know, encouraging and funny but make sure that you’re encouraging the good things that you see and the patterns that you want to be developed and that you’re not just being a fault finder or looking for areas where Measuring up and you’re going to see those as a sibling, probably more than others and be one to share that. So men, thrive under encouragement respect and so if you’re looking for faults or you’re continually observing, how they’re not measuring up that, that may have the reverse in what you’re trying to accomplish there.

Christi: Yeah, Nate. I’m glad you brought that out. I was going to talk about respect. And especially as you brought out, that specific age range between 15 and 20, which mom and I had Michelle with her. Yeah, and just saw that with those were the years where respect was really important for you guys and specifically. And it was also, you know, almost an allergic reaction to women, telling him what to do. So yeah being tactful and just I guess my own thought to is be prayerful. I think ask the Lord to work you know, if you see something concerning in your brother and the pattern of sin, just pray and ask the Lord to work on him and that’ll be much more effective. And I think of the example to of just like within a marriage and how that’s the example put forth in marriage without a word. The wife is to pray lead an exemplary life. And that speaks volumes. And so the same with your brother’s prey lead. A life, that showcases the gospel. And yeah, ask the Lord, to work on them. And I know for myself, one, one little thing that I would do also is I would just pour out my heart through letters because I felt like, I don’t know, if I could say everything, the way I wanted to say, if we had a conversation, so I would just write out my thoughts in a letter to my brothers, and then I would typically they, the theme was like, Life is short, your decisions matter, you know, eternities coming. It was all kind of that, that frame of mind like please make good decisions, David still has all those letters, but it was a way for me to share my heart and my care. But hopefully, in a way that also showed my compassion and yeah.

Nate: And, and I would say also, you did that well and I know Michelle, my sister we’re very close in age and she navigated that section of life. I thought was really helpful for me. She would inspire me to take more leadership and ownership of things. And we would talk through challenges of life or things that she saw and even just around the house, she would have the idea of let’s clean the house and make it great for Mom and I. Yeah, that’s amazing. And then I would see the result of that and how that bless somebody else. So, setting patterns and examples and even her consistency and walking with the Lord and, and spiritual life was a huge encouragement for me, as well.

Christi: Yeah. I like what you said. She gave you opportunities for leadership or encourage that. Can you think of maybe some specific ways that she would do that?

Nate: Well, she Michelle is a very capable intelligent person who can lead and and did especially, when we were younger siblings, she was the idea person. And, and, but as we grew up, and I entered a stage of Developing into being a man deciding places, you know, events that we’re going to be doing or or where we go to lunch or even on a backpacking trip making decisions of what we’re doing. Were just areas that she would give her feedback, but then encourage me to that that this was a decision or something that I could lead in and it was, I was aware that she was kind of allowing me to have that leadership role and encouraging. That and it was a it was inspiring and it really helped me in navigate that section of life.

Christi: That’s really neat Nate. So for those of us who have unsaved siblings and maybe we have siblings that grew up in the church grew up hearing the gospel. How would you recommend that? We continue evangelizing them. Do we still share the gospel with them? How would you encourage listeners that question?

Nate: I think, first, we have to have a level of humility when it comes to our walking with the Lord. And in our salvation, that it can be often easy to look at the patterns of life that the Lord has worked in in our heart. And think that this is something that we have discovered or done. And that we are, we are saved and a better place because of God’s grace. And I think that is one of the challenges of being a sibling or even any family member in sharing the gospel. Oil is that it can come with a lot of history. And so, this is when I do, I’ll just talk to a stranger in evangelism conversation. It’s amazing how open and receptive people are to a stranger communicating truths about Sin, versus a sibling or family member or friend. They might feel more judged and attacked just being aware that, that potential is there for a person to be defensive or to think back through history. So pride is a just an enemy in those conversations and then like I mentioned before just tying strings to hearts tying connections with people so that if your shared interest in the things of the Lord goes away, they walk away from the faith or never were you have something that you can go back to that you can do together with that person or that you can communicate that you love them. You want to be around them, you care for them, you can share the gospel, you can be clear, but that also that you would want them at a family event or you would want to have a good interaction with them and you don’t have to just Pastor them the whole time. If you’ve laid out the gospel and they know then that’s something that it’s just first. Communicate love and care. And that you’re in their life that you’re not going to give them up that they’re your family and you’re going to be loyal to them and and try to do what’s best to help into service. Them.

David: Yeah, absolutely Nate and I don’t know. I think that the way you the way you described it was perfect. I love what you said about walking and kind of keeping track or keeping your focus on your own walk before. God and walking in humility, and walking humbly before God, because there is something very compelling to the unsaved. Heart about a faithful testimony and that’s what I mean. I’ve seen in my own life, you know, observing others. And also I have a few close friends and people that I’ve known, who their testimony is basically is thanks to the faithful lives that of people in their own life, like their parents or their siblings or friend of theirs or something. People see that you are, you know, being true to God’s word and actually living the gospel and not just preaching it to them. I think that’s something that you know, in a way that is your ongoing witness to your unsaved siblings or those who are close to, you may not always be verbalizing. The gospel and speaking to them, and every interaction that you have. But if you can be demonstrating it through your life, that’s something that can be, you know, inescapable the unsaved heart, when they see what the gospel has done in your own life and how God has transformed your own heart.

Nate: Yeah, and I think also thing I would think about his patients, A lot of times we come to a conclusion or we came to Faith and everything seemed so clear. We see the wisdom of it. We see that were sinners and we need the Lord and how clear the gospel is and how much it works. And and the truth of it, and God works in our heart to show us that. And we think, why doesn’t everybody else see this? But we don’t realize that God took however many years. And if you think back of all of the influences and the things that you heard or a sermon or somebody’s encouragement, you whether it be your salvation or that truth that you just figured out, or that thing that impacted your life, God was so patient with you and living with your siblings with that patience. And even those in the church, making sure that at your timelines. Aren’t you’re not demanding, the Lord work on your timeline, but that he he’s working in that person’s heart. And you don’t know how many days weeks months years, it’s going to take and you see that in faithful family members, who pray for years and decades for their, their sibling, or a child or parent, not knowing if the Lord is going to work in their heart. But just praying, and seeking to have that influence living the gospel and and being patient.

Christi: I really appreciate both of those thoughts and being one one. Way that we can be a powerful testimony to unsaved families when we go through a trial and we respond well and we trust the Lord through it and that segues into the next question of, how do we walk with a sibling through a tragedy? Do you have any pieces of advice? You would give to the listeners?

Nate: And family relationships are amazing because cuz you’re going to live the rest of your life with that person and and care for them. And during times of extreme sorrow or tragedy, whether it be shared or primarily with that other person, it is an opportunity for family to grow even closer together. And we’ve seen that four years ago, when the Lord took our father, and as we all watch through that trial together how That, that brought us even closer cause us to, to see, I can share just to see how David walked through that time and, and his wife, and how she encouraged him. And he her and, and step up and encouragement her mom. And it, it was amazing to see. How God can work in family members and encourage each other in those times. But also another call for patients realizing that everybody’s different. Everybody’s going to walk through grief differently and we can’t look at somebody else’s behavior and project our own intentions on to that, but know that everybody’s going to process things. A little different maybe in their their time frames or and so just being patient with one another in those times. A lot of times time to tragedy can include times of stress and figuring out circumstances, who’s going to handle what, and those are opportunities for sin to crop up. So being watchful for that not comparing not having expectations over I’m doing this. This person should do that but just focusing first on love, love and patience. And just being there for that other person.

David: There. I mean there’s different types of tragedies to, I mean, there’s tragedies that you share in the experience of and like maybe saying was like, when our dad passed away having siblings and having such a close family and for me a wife and like, other people who you can lean on through those times is, you know, blessing beyond words. But there’s also this tragedies that you experience alone and to some extent. Like you don’t share with your siblings and really I mean, it just depends on what the situation is. And how you would approach it. I think it’s not always that you will dive in and start trying to be a problem solver or an advice giver. One biblical example of this is in the Book of Job or after he’s had everything taken, from his friends show up and they don’t just immediately start lecturing him. Although that does come later. They first sit with him, just for seven days and seven nights and no one says a word just feeling the deep pain that he feels in that moment and that deep sorrow. So, I mean, yeah. Nate was saying patience is important knowing when to give advice when just went to refrain, went to be a shoulder that July on that John, all things that come with wisdom and discernment but it just varies in different ways that you can help barrier. You know, your, your siblings burden. It could be true, just being there for them being, you know, someone you can talk to them and listen and listen to what they have to say, when they’re ready to talk because the, you’re helping them with your resources or with your older your time different ways that God gives us to be able to pour into each other’s lives.

Christi: Yeah, I think just the meeting of the practical needs to lifting those burdens, whether it’s helping with meals or house cleaning or giving a back massage, whatever you need to do. But just the tangibly meeting needs, when there’s not a lot of head or heart space for them to be doing that. So stepping, in practical ways, So, how can siblings be an encouragement to their siblings? Who have children?

Nate: Yes. David. How can we serve? You feel like they can give you guys like a blueprint? Now of all the ways that you can serve me and getting?

David: Yes, exactly. That’s exactly how I heard this question. No, I mean, my mind immediately after after this question, goes to Uncle, Dave and kind of him. fluent that he’s played in our lives. For those of you who don’t know, Uncle Dave, everyone calls him, Uncle baby, even people who are not our family because that’s who he is, he’s Uncle days. He’s my, he’s our mom’s brother and he has just poured into the lives of the people around him and especially his family. But basically, anyone he comes across in such a Meek and special ways through different Ministries and outdoor trips and activities and things over the years. But in our lives, he’s just been an ever-present. And encouragement and just a great person that for our family and for presses his nieces and nephews with all that he’s done. I mean I remember growing up and one of the things I looked forward to most throughout the year was after Christmas or New Year’s Eve, we would go to his place and he would give us these gift bags of like, all of these little knickknacks and things that he’s picked up has tripped over the year. And for us it was like Christmas around to basically because we already had all our Christmas presents, but then we go. This extra gift bag. Full of like, clinking, user, random magnets or candy bars. He’s dirty. JPL swag, JPL flag of the big one where he worked. Yeah. Felt like, you know, little things like that when you’re younger, but also growing up with, you know, someone like him in the family and the the impression that he left on us. I mean, he he has a deep and abiding love for God’s creation and for the natural world that God has created. And you see that in every year of his life through his Fascination and it through desire to learn more about it through science and you’re like studying how God made the world but also what God is made to he was always taking us on these trips crying up and you can still does it these days, but it called creation safaris were, you know, we were just go out and go backpacking or camping or to this unique part of the country or, you know, somewhere somewhere Outdoors, where we get to see the beauty of what God created. And it’s something that I kind of took for granted growing up because I was like, everyone has Uncle days. Like, you know, it’s like, I was always taking all these awesome trips but, you know, the more people I’ve gotten to know over the years, kind of like, oh, like you grew up, and it was kind of sad because you never went outside. He never went camping or, you know, you never got to experience those kinds of things in like there’s people who have no appreciation for, you know, going out and going stargazing for instance, going, you know, seeing this amazing universe that God has created and placed us in because they didn’t have someone like Uncle Dave in their lives. So as far as you know, how you can be an encouragement to filling that have children for me, especially you having Having a kid now, actually, just invest in their children’s lives present as much as you can. I know everyone’s got busy schedules and things, but, you know, making time showing up being there and then, you know, doing what you can to inspire and encourage in your siblings, children’s lives. Because as a parent, you have the primary influence on your children, but your, your siblings will have a peripheral peripheral influence on. Other children’s lives and they could very well be the reason or, you know, a big way point. And your children salvation is the influence that you have or your siblings have on them. So you know, as much as you can be present and be engaged and really invest into and important to their lives.

Nate: Yeah, very well said Uncle. Dave is definitely the pattern that came to mind in. This question is so much of my life that I take for granted my love for the outdoors. There’s joy of backpacking interest in science were all things that were significantly cultivated by Uncle Dave. In his little science toolbox that he would bring over to family events or taking us back packing and he just enjoyed inspiring us by God’s creation and pointing us to Christ. And that’s a good pattern. I think of how to think through your siblings. Kids or just any children of friends that God has placed in your life, that your goal is to for their good and that they would navigate the joys and challenges of life in ways that are healthy and point them to Christ and the gospel and Inspire them to live full lives of being curious and fascinated by God’s creation. And so it’s something that I really, really appreciated in. I mentioned Aunt Jen and Uncle Howie, and they would prioritize coming out, but but really just the continual influence of Uncle. Dave, in our lives was was pretty massive. And that’s something that definitely inspires me and as my siblings, have kids and friends have kids to have those conversations to reinforce the lessons that they’re learning from their parents and the wisdom that they’re hearing from. Their parents is a role that that you can have in community of the church and in your siblings.

Christi: Yeah. It’s going to be, you know, a mission field for you, your family will be your primary mission, field your whole life and so, especially children don’t know the Lord yet, if they are, you know, bullet below the age of accountability. And so, yeah, reiterating the gospel to them is important.

Nate: Yeah, there was a that Blondie headline recently, that’s said I accomplished nothing. Today says mom, who spent all day nurturing infinitely precious human souls and having that view of the things of this Earth are passing will fade away, but it’s other people infinite human souls and the Lord that are in his word that are lasting and investing in those things and not being annoyed by, The time taken out of your day by other people. I think that is a very selfish way to think about life, and you know, what is for your good or your comfort, but being able to sacrifice that. Just so that another person would have a light, a fuller, more healthy, more life, more Focus On Christ. And the gospel is something that we should always be willing to sacrifice for.

Christi: Yeah, I remember on a previous episode. A quote was relationships are not convenient, so they often come in between our to-do lists and plans that we have. But yeah, their Eternal and they’re important. So with our final question of the day, any suggestions for how siblings can help, share the care for aging, parents and grandparents. It’s a big question.

Nate: I know having seen a number of cases with friends or just even as we saw with our parents and caring for their parents on either side. This is an area of life that is challenging but very biblical in serving and caring for those who invested their lives into us and you just think back a so many years so much time that was invested that we kind of just took for granted. Granted of like, yeah, they’re totally serving us, that’s, that’s their job, but that they did that because they loved us and it is an opportunity to love and to care for them, it can definitely be a time where it’s easy to compare, especially if there’s multiple siblings, who’s carrying different loads. And I don’t think that’s healthy to try to yourself figure out. If somebody else is pulling their way, I think we should look for opportunities to just on our own Hearts, to be grateful for the chances, we can to repay and, and invest in those who have loved us. So thoroughly for our lives. So just being watchful for any sort of comparison when it comes to these things in life. And and how that can rob us of our joy. And Fracture relationships, but also at the same time, it helps to be aware sometimes. It can we can be oblivious to siblings who are sacrificing significantly and, and we’re not paying attention. So on both sides being joyful about how we can bless our parents, as they navigate, this new stage of life and just make sure that one person isn’t shouldering the full weight of that.

Christi: Yeah, really helpful. Thoughts Nate makes me think of the verse in First Corinthians 13 that love does not keep a record of wrongs and how important that is just in sibling relationships, in general, that you’re not ever storing that up. And rather your focus like you said is on those opportunities to just love on them to joyfully serve the people that have invested in you, your parents and grandparents, I think one practical tip is communication is important. So if you’re someone who has a more visible, you’re just aware more of the needs sharing that with siblings and sharing specific ways to help and, and being one to, you know, remind if the reminder is need to be sent or things of that nature. So, there’s just like, practical organization behind some of these things that could be done and we talked about this, this specific topic extensively. It was one of the First episodes on the podcast about caring for aging, loved ones and Marcia, who came on and spoke on that topic. Did all of the care for her mom, for? I think it was over 10 years. And yeah, just motivated by that love. But also, just knowing that your service is unto the Lord. It’s not to please men. I think that’ll help as well as if you’re just focusing on that. And it’s one of those things in life that comes with a blessing, like God’s promise, when you honor your parents, you will be blessed. And so, knowing that should just motivate you and bring you so much joy and those service opportunities and help take the focus off of other areas person.

David: And everything I agree with everything that you guys are saying, but the practical and more philosophical answers to that question. And yeah, I would say, I mean, it’s something during for you. Or your elderly parents doing one, another in showing honor, like, all of these things are very corporate, the gospel and very specifically laid out in God’s word and are things that don’t always come naturally or easily to us just like other other commands that we’ve been given such as loving. Those who hate you, praying? For those who persecute you, things that are just not there contrary to human nature. And I mean, it’s easy to kind of fall into the trap of thinking I’m doing my part. Where is it? And so, you know, like I’ve done enough like in this situation as opposed to thinking what, you know, how much more can I do. It’s kind of remind me of something. They used to teach us at his bible, studies crying up. It’s kind of like, in an other way of looking at it, feel like not how close to the line that you can get it how far away you can say from it, like you’re not necessarily shouldn’t be thinking about like what’s the bare minimum that I have to do to uphold my responsibility. It’s like, how much more can I do and showing God’s love to others and being the hands and feet of Christ.

Nate: One more thought on this is, it is a reality, like, singles in the church that have a greater capacity to serve, and to be involved in Ministry in sibling relationships, the singles that are the siblings that are still single do have can often have a greater capacity to to serve in for aging parents and be there for them and that can be a challenge. But it’s also a you can view that as a blessing just like having more opportunities to serve in the church can be a challenge. But it’s also a gift that God is giving you of being selfless and involved in another person’s life and making their lives better making their lives, encouraging them in the Lord and and helping them walk through the different stages of life. So if you change our mindset of that being – to being a positive. I think that can be helpful even in the challenges walking through the different stages of life.

Christi: Thank you, Nate and David for sharing your life experience and wisdom. Nate, did you want to end with any closing thoughts today?

Nate: Well, thanks so much. Christi, use a joy, to be here and to talk with you and David about this topic of siblings. It’s one of the greatest blessings in my life, to have six siblings that were closed. We’re good. Friends. We enjoy time with each other. And I’m very grateful for our parents of how they helped us navigate Our Lives to, to be friends and to follow the Lord. But also just a thought for, as we talked about earlier the, the body of Christ, being a, this family relationships, marriage, is a shadow of what God is doing in the church. And when Jesus, when the people came to him and said, you’re your mother and your siblings are nearby. They want to talk to you and he turned to his followers. He said, you are, you are my mother, and my brothers, and that being a encouragement that in, instead of long relationships, it’s beautiful because we have this life that we can share. We can love, we can serve, we can enjoy each other but it’s also a blessing because it is a picture of the brothers and sisters who we are in Christ. And I have so many meaningful relationships in the church and honorary Uncle status and some families. And just a blessing to see the parallels there, that we are going to spend eternity with our family in the Lord. And just a double blessing when your Earthly siblings are also your heavenly siblings. And so I’m so grateful for you Christi and what God is doing through you with this podcast and just a joy, to be here. Hope some of what we said was an encouragement for others as they seek to walk through life with wisdom.

Christi: I appreciate you so much and I have learned so much from you, and I told you earlier that, if I sound good on this podcast, it’s because you bought me this microphone that I’m using. You also talk through each episode with me and help me think it through, and give me great talking points. And so, yeah, this podcast, probably would not have taken off without your help and support and encouragement. And I just really, really appreciate that. So, thank you and thank you David for jumping on and giving your perspective as the youngest in the family. And The one who the only one, you’re not the only brother that’s married now. But thanks Christi, I love and appreciate you guys so much to love. That guy gave me such great siblings.