EP 92

Welcome to the Smiling at the Future podcast.

My name is Christi Rose and this is my pursuit to glean practical wisdom on femininity, home making, finances, relationships, and singleness from the God fearing men and women in my life. Hope you enjoy this journey with me as we learn to smile at the future.

Hello friends, if you happen to be tuning into this podcast from Apple Podcast, then I would love to invite you to leave a rating and a review if you haven’t already done so. That helps other people find the content here. And it also blesses my socks off to hear from you all. So if you have the time, we’d love it if you could do that for me. And I’m so thankful that you are back for another episode. And today you were going to hear the conversation I had with my dear friend Sarah on the Titus two virtue of kindness. And we explore why God values this quality so much so that we can prioritize it as well. So here is my conversation with Sarah Dougherty.

Well, welcome to the podcast, Sarah. It’s such a joy and a delight to have you join me today in this discussion on kindness. And you and I both have realized as we’ve studied this, that it’s not quite as simple as we were thinking. Kindness. There is real depth and substance to this fruit of the spirit. And so we’re going to be enjoying hashing that out and looking at it from different perspectives and angles. But before we do our discussion on that, would you please introduce yourself to the listeners? Yes, hi, Christi.

I’m very excited. It’s truly an honor for me to be here with you. So thank you for having me. Well, I was born in Guatemala around 1994. I was around four years of age when our family moved to United States. And by God’s Providence, I’ve been attending Grace Community Church here in California ever since. And although our family attended church quite regularly that I can remember, our home was far from a God honoring God Christian home. But I can testify of God’s faithfulness that He has kept me. He has called me to Himself, and He has saved me and He has blessed me. One of my biggest blessings of my husband, I met him at church. We were both serving at Awana at the time, and by the grace of God, we’ve been married now for 11 years. The Lord’s also blessed us with three precious little ones, ages 3-4 and six. And so I’m truly grateful that the Lord has willed and that He’s allowed me to have the ministry of my home and to be a wife and a mother. And having now like learning to be a wife and a mother and what that looks like, I just find myself just utterly dependent on the Lord, utterly dependent on His word and the church as to how to do life and what it looks like to trust in the Lord. Through the differing seasons and stages of life and the past several years, the Lord’s taken us through several life challenges. The Word He has taken us has allowed me to see and to taste His loving kindness and to see His faithfulness. Well, Sarah, I’ve so enjoyed getting to know you as a friend. Just in the last, I don’t know, maybe year and a half or so, it’s been not that long, but I’ve been so impressed by how you have exuded joy and also kindness by watching how you parent your children, how you interact with your husband, how you have encouraged and blessed me and my family. And then specifically my mother, you bring your kids over almost weekly to visit with her because she’s mostly homebound. And so you’ve seen that need and just stepped in and pursued that friendship with my mom and just demonstrating how to reach out to others and show kindness to others. So as I was making my way through these Titus 2 principles in the podcast, and one of those principles is kindness, I knew that you would be a great one to speak on this just because you already modeled this so well. So I thought we would just start as we usually do when we’re going through these Titus 2 principles with the passage, which is Titus 2 verses 3 through 5. So let me read that older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved. Too much wine, teaching what is good so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands so that the word of God will not be dishonored. So as we start with most discussions when we’re doing kind of a word study, it is so vital that we understand our terms and not just from our human perspective, our cultural definition, societal definition of a word. But what’s most important is what is this term biblically? What does God say kindness is? So if you could define that for us, help us understand it, and then also, how is it different from the world’s version of kindness? Yes. Christi, kindness is powerful, but I appreciate this definition that I believe just wraps it up very nicely. And it says kindness is to be useful. It’s an active desire to recognize and meet the needs of others, even the needs of our enemies, without expecting anything in return. And we also recognize kindness as the fruit of the Spirit. It’s listed in Galatians 5. But kindness in itself overlaps with other virtues lifted in Scripture. So when we read the Word of God, we will often find that kindness is translated as goodness, loving kindness, mercy and grace. In the book Life on the Vine, author Philip D Kennesaw captures this idea so beautifully. And because I’m a visual learner, this was just to the point. He says we are confronted with the overlapping character of the Spirit’s fruit. Just as there’s no precise point on the rainbow where red and orange where red ends and orange begins, so there’s often times no tidy way to distinguish one fruit of the Spirit with another. What we call God’s steadfast love cannot be easily distinguished from God’s goodness, nor can either one be easily distinguished from God’s mercy and kindness. So Christi, as you can see in just defining kindness, the depth to it, and when we think about it, we are describing an attribute of God. So this is a true and excellent characteristic that reflects the very nature of God because it’s God’s attribute. So to be kind is to be God like. And so to be kind, it’s not something we feel like we don’t go around saying I feel kind, nor is it something that we keep to ourselves. And to follow up with the question, how does this, how does biblical kindness differ from the world’s kindness? And you know, the world is such a cruel, it’s such a dark and evil place that I find myself noticing that the world craves to somehow create this artificial food of the spirit kindness. You see it plastered on billboards, the word kind or be kind. You see it on kids T-shirts, you see it on bumper stickers. And even that, you know, nutritious granola bar has, you know, be kind. So we’re reminded, I mean, it’s just seems like the world’s really craves for kindness. But I believe that the world is blinded to the true meaning of kindness because, one, it doesn’t know God, who is the source of kindness, and two, it doesn’t believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, who is the source and who is the manifestation of God’s kindness. And three, it doesn’t possess the Holy Spirit who produces kindness in our lives. And so because the world doesn’t hold these truths, nor does it believe these truths, it leaves the world to use kindness as a means to get something out of it or to use it for self praise and glory or gratification, self gratification. And even what I’ve come to learn, even health benefits, if you go online and you like type of kindness, there’s so much scientific research that promotes kindness as an act for health benefits. And the scientific research says that either whether you’re a giver or a receiver or even a witness of kindness, there’s health benefits, there’s positive psychological effects on the body. And I’ll just give you a couple. It says it can have a positive change in your brain, especially with many suffering from depression. It can produce oxytocin, lowering blood pressure and improving overall heart health. And like most medical antidepressants, research found that kindness is known to make and to stimulate the production of serotonin, which makes one feel good and happy. So as you can see, kind of it’s kind of like a trend. It’s something that they can get out of. But I feel like in it, it’s even God’s grace to us into the world that even doing the right thing, they can be blessed by it. But the world’s inconsistent in it.

Yes, I loved all of the ways you described that, Sarah, and how you brought out just the differences that we would see and maybe the societal, cultural ideas of kindness. And one thing that you said or you alluded to is that it has limits. You know, the kindness of the world is they don’t show kindness to their enemies. That is totally counter to what would seem normal. And yet Christians are called to do that. And because Christ did that for us, we were his enemies, and it was his kindness that won us to himself. But with kindness when when I was studying this, what I’ve come to understand is that not only is it a heart issue, but it is manifested in good deeds. A kind person is someone who causes others to benefit by her deeds of kindness. And in Titus, this book of Titus, good deeds are talked about six different times. And it’s a small book. This is only three chapters in the New Testament. And yet kindness and good deeds go hand in hand. So it starts in the heart, but it’s obvious it’s manifest outwardly to others. So one thing I wanted to just talk through here, and because this was something I had to figure out in my own mind of how do we grow in the fruit of the Spirit? And I’ll just share some of my quickly kind of my questions that I came to this with. I was curious, OK, the fruit of the Spirit, is that something that is organically produced through just reading my Bible and praying? And then the Spirit causes these things to flow out of my heart. And then maybe it’s the other virtue lists in the New Testament that I’m called to put off and put on and do more effort in. So I was just trying to figure all this out. And so I want to do a quick little crash course here on Fruit of the Spirit. How do we cultivate those? How do we grow in them? What does that process look like?

Yes, Christi, great question. And I know we’ve talked about this a couple of times, and it’s actually both, you know, reconciling those truths, like is it God’s divine sovereignty or is a man’s responsibility? Yes, it’s both. Is it the spirits work in US, or is it us just putting on the fruit of kindness? And yes, it’s both. And so it’s 100% our effort and it’s 100% the spirit in US doing the work. But we also need to know that it’s the spirit’s power. It’s the spirits work in US. It’s the Spirit in US producing the work, the fruit of kindness in US. It’s not for us to just like kind of own up and say, oh, it’s my fruit. It’s, it’s the fruit of Sarah or it’s the fruit of Christi. No, it’s the fruits of the Spirit. And what I’ve come to learn is when I view Galatians 5 and I read the list of the fruits of the Spirit, it’s not for us to approach it as A to do list, but rather to see it as it’s God’s promises to us of which He is dedicated to work in US. So kindness and a tender heart are cultivated from a devotion to God, a desire for Him, a wanting to abide in Him. And one thing that I am very excited to share is that humility has to play a big part in our hearts coming before the Lord of humility and knowing that apart from Him we can do nothing. And it takes humility to understand that it’s not us that is able to even obey Him. I love how Andrew Murray in his book on humility says humility, the place of entire dependence upon God is from the very nature of things, the first duty and the highest virtue of his creatures. So Christi, this means we can’t even take the first step towards obedience to abide without God. Humility must be our adorning if we want to cultivate kindness. So like I said, I think I want to say this throughout the time we talk. It’s just that I’m such a visual learner. And so if you can picture 2 trees planted side by side, one tree is planted on humble soil while the other tree is planted on prideful soil. And James says that God opposes the proud. So God’s back will be against this tree that is planted on prideful soil. So if God’s back is against you because of our pride, then this tree, there’s no possibility, not a slight chance that this tree will bear any fruit or will be bearing any fruit of kindness, but God’s face will shine towards this tree that is planted on humble soil. Why? Because God gives grace to the humble. So this tree will be firmly planted, it will yield its fruit in its season and in whatever he does, he will prosper. And we know that to be someone. So Galatians 525 tells us if we live by the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. So this verse also illustrates that it’s the Spirit in us. We live by the Spirit, we will walk by the Spirit we will keep in step. And all believers possess the indwelling spirit in them. But it says it is Him who empowers us to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. But it is our call to be obedient. And according to the MacArthur commentary on Galatians, the form of the Greek verb translated to walk indicates a continuous action or an habitual lifestyle. Walking also implies progress as a believer submits to the Spirit’s control, that is, response in obedience to the simple commands of Scripture. We will then grow our in our spiritual life. So there lies our responsibility. If we live by the Spirit, we will also walk by the Spirit. We will keep in step in a few ways. Practical ways come to mind and number one, on how we can cultivate kindness. We read our Bibles and we are transformed by the renewal of our minds, and that’s Romans 12/2. Another way we can call today kindness is we pursue relationships that stir us up love and good deeds. That’s Hebrews 10/24. And then we set ourselves up for success. And so in planning and creating habits, I feel that we can all relate. You know, if we don’t get enough sleep, then the next day we may not feel our finest and we won’t be concerned for others because we won’t have the energy. Or if we over schedule our lives and we’re running from place to place, it’s easy to overlook a need that may be right next to us. Or we behave like Martha’s and in our efforts to create a tidy home, we are unkind to those in our household. And that may be our little kids who continue to leave crumbs and toys on the floor after you’ve picked up everything. And not that I speak from personal experience, of course, but it we can do things that can set us up for success. But even if you plan, I see, even if you plan to, you know, get a good night’s sleep and not run around all the time and say, OK, I’m going to clean my home, but I’m going to have a joyful heart while I do that. There may be times where you don’t have time to prepare. And I feel that’s when my 4th tip would come into play, where we go about our day praying, you know, without ceasing because that’s the power of the Holy Spirit in US. And if we pray without ceasing, we pray that the Holy Spirit may be our first responder to any situation. You know that this is like one of my heart’s prayers. And I always pray that the Holy Spirit may be my first responder and not my flesh when it comes to situations. So like even visualizing the Holy Spirit as our first responders and then dying to self, you know? And I feel like all of these can be ways where we are obeying the Lord, walking and stuff, and so that we can be a sweet aroma and be pleasing to the Lord.

Really helpful tips there, Sarah. I like how you broke those down and just even from your own personal experience in life of what how you’re able to set yourself up for success. But in those days of weakness and despite your best efforts, when God has other plans of depleting your energy or your time, knowing that ultimately the power comes from him to live this out and to show forth this fruit that comes from Him. So in our Titus two passage, these traits, these qualities are all something that we need to be taught how to do, how to exemplify kindness. So why is it that we need a person to show us and model this for us? Why can’t we just learn this from the Scriptures and, you know, be motivated by the Holy Spirit? But there is a human element here. Why do you think we need to be trained how to be kind?

Yes, Christi, I love this and I actually when I was reading this passage, I had to stop and consider God’s loving kindness displayed here in this passage towards the younger women like his care for us, his care commands the older women in the church, the responsibility to model and to teach younger women to be godly character, to be kind. And so I know we’re talking like in talking about. How to be kind in God’s loving kindness, Like it’s really displayed in this passage that he loves and cares the younger women for the younger women. And I mean, I’m humbled that God being the great, all knowing, all powerful God that he is, that he is mindful of us younger women. He takes us into account and his loving kindness has set a plan for us. He doesn’t just leave us, like you said, He doesn’t just leave us on our own to figure life out. He provides for our need, our spiritual need. So I just had to say that because I was just seeing displayed his loving kindness displayed in Scripture. But going back to the question, we need to be taught to be kind. And we can trace this back to Genesis 3, the fall. We read the divine curse on women as a result of sin, and it is then not our natural disposition to be kind, even though we have been made new as believers and we possess all spiritual blessings. We know that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak and the flesh is at war with the Spirit, and the Spirit is at war with the flesh. And this inner war, this inner battle will continue until we’re taken up to glory. And so the younger women, not necessarily young of age, but maybe young in the faith, we are more prone to lack self-control and we have the propensity to be ruled more by our emotions. And so if we’re not taught how to have self-control, if we’re not taught how to properly manage our emotions and gain a biblical perspective, we are then confined to just react instead of being able to put off and then put on and then respond in kindness. And so we face this internal battle inside this war of the spirit and the flesh. And then you add an external element, and I’m thinking the world. I’m thinking the culture and the world. The culture is aggressive, and I visualize it like this magnet. And it has the potential to attract the fallen nature of man in US and to provoke the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. And so the culture in which we live in, you know, because the Lord saved us, that we’re still in the world. We’re not of the world, but it doesn’t encourage us, nor does it esteem us to pursue this, the true biblical kindness, it’s agenda, the world’s agendas, to entice women to believe that in order to have a fulfilling and a satisfying life, they must be independent. They must be self-sufficient, they must be tough. They must think of themselves before or anything or anyone. And under the premise of this, you know, self-care, it actually is leading women to be more selfish and be more self absorbed. And it’s so destructive and everyone suffers and the effects are so detrimental. Christi. I mean, I hear of stories of women who were led by their emotions or were led by these lies of putting self first, you know, and only to come years later and realize that they feel lonely and empty. But God, you know, God provides us opportunities to serve and loving kindness and loving others is wanting to serve and putting others before ourselves, considering them before us, considering them be better than ourselves. And so that has no room under the culture’s premise of thinking of self 1st. And so you miss the any given opportunity to serve in the church. You miss the opportunities to think of people in your home, your families. And no wonder, you know, we feel empty because there’s a reason for that. You know, our Creator God created women for a very special purpose. He created US women to be bearers of life, getting goodness by the means of service. So we remember that life that the fruit of kindness is life getting, is life getting to those around us. And I know that none of us are indispensable, Christi, but my heart breaks to imagine what my life would be if the godly older women in my life would have chosen to take on the world’s advice. What a great loss. What a great loss for their children, for the church and their neighbors around them to not have experience God’s loving kindness working through them and unto us.

Such excellent insight, Sarah. And I particularly appreciated how you identified selfishness as the antithesis of what women were created for. And as you said, we were created to serve, which is the fruit of kindness. When we’re talking about putting on kindness, it’s not just behaviors, It’s not just actions and words. That’s not connected to our heart. It flows from our heart, and so why is it so vital that our kindness flow from a heart of love for for God and for others?

Christi, I I appreciate this question and I’m not sure if you’ll remember this, but you once said a comment that just stuck. We went on a walk and you said that one of the many reasons that you love to study Scripture is that the more you study it, the more you see how it all connects. So when looking at this question, how kindness is related to love, your comment comes to mind. And so does the passage in Scripture of First Corinthians 13. Four, God’s Word says love is patient, love is kind. So then kindness is a defining characteristic of love. And we’ve heard it said before, love is kindness in her work clothes. And so I can easily visualize love as a springboard or kindness. So without love, kindness is just empty and random acts. And without love, any good deed done is simply noisy gong or clanging cymbals. And like you said, God cares about what’s in the heart. And if we’ve been redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ, God has given us a new heart. And it is capable to love. And so love is what enables us to be able to do kind works and also to say kind words. Love is what fills the heart. And also love is what God uses in our hearts. And God enlarges our hearts so that we can love those who are unlovable, you know, because it’s easy to love those who are lovely. In the 6th chapter of Luke, we see how God calls us to extend that love and kindness. It says, if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. Love your enemies and do good, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be like the Most High. For He himself is kind to the ungrateful and evil man. I mean, talk about superpowers, right? Christi? My kiddos are into super powers and superheroes these days. And this to me is the best superpower you can have. But it I feel it’s only from a divine and a great God. Because as humans, we wouldn’t have come up with this. We would just say, well, it makes sense. Be lovely and be loving to those who are lovely. We wouldn’t really push it to where we would say love those who are unloving, unloving and who are unworthy. So it’s the power in us that comes from the Lord and that helps us to persevere in relationships and how we can grow in love and compassion. I have two verses for us. The first one, and I’d say this is my number one, is to look to Jesus, who is our ultimate example. In Acts 1038, it says, you know of Jesus of Nazareth, how God anointed him with the Holy Spirit and with power, and how he went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with him. So God bestowed on Jesus the Holy Spirit and the power, and Jesus in respond to God’s work, He went about doing good. He went, if you read it all throughout the Gospels we read of how Jesus was moved by compassion to do good, to save the lost, to heal the sick and the lame, and to blessed multitudes. And so he is our living example. So in response to that truth, number two, we will watch and pray. We must watch and pray. This verse is so dear to my heart. It’s Psalm 5, three, it says, O Yahweh, in the morning you will hear my voice. In the morning, I will order my prayer to you and eagerly watch. So the Lord has allowed us the opportunity and the blessing to go to him in prayer and lay our request before him. We can ask, Lord, help us to be like Jesus, who you blessed and who went about doing good. Help us to keep in step. Help us to exercise kindness, grace and mercy to those who you, Lord, choose to bring about our day. And this is so exciting because God will answer. So God will answer because he has prepared these good works before. He has ordained that we will walk in them. So He has prepared these good works, but He also has made us unique and has gifted us with special talent. And so God is the one who puts these both into play. He provides the circumstance and He’s also equipped us and made us unique to meet a need. So it’s so exciting to see it displayed.

I love how you describe that progression, Sarah, and I think it just shouts God’s sovereignty over our lives, how He has created the good works for us before He created us. And then He gifted us in unique ways with talents and spiritual gifts. And then He creates the circumstances where we can exercise those things and just be obedient to what He’s calling us to do. So love how you have just woven that all together. Sarah, did you have any, any parting thoughts today that you want to leave with the listeners on this important quality of kindness?

Yes. Christi, I just pray you know that the Lord be glorified in our lives as we express his power in us to showing kindness and going out and just doing what we need to do, you know, as Christ and as children of the Lord and just loving him. I feel like I know I speak to many women in the church and they tell me how much they love the Lord and and I feel these are just demonstrations of how we can love others but also love the Lord.

Yes, yeah, it is a demonstration like you said, it’s it’s faith in action. Well, thank you, Sarah, for your diligent study, the way you role model this and showcase it in your life to everyone who knows you. And I think it’s going to spur on the listeners to love and good deeds, which is what the body of Christ is designed to do. So thank you again for your time.

Thank you Christi for having me.