EP 100

Welcome to the Smiling at the Future podcast. My name is Christi Rose and this is my pursuit to glean practical wisdom on femininity, homemaking, finances, relationships, and singleness from the God fearing men and women in my life. Hope you enjoy this journey with me as we learn to smile at the future.

Hey everyone. It’s hard to believe that we are at this milestone 100th episode already. And to celebrate, we are doing a giveaway on our Instagram page in collaboration with Laura and Melissa and their Everbloom Etsy shop. And they’ve created a beautiful verse card set that they designed from verses that I picked out that have been meaningful to me and have been used in different podcast episodes, as well as an 8 by 10 print of a verse and the Singleness Manifesto bookmark. And that bookmark just has orienting points to help you refocus your mind and heart in this season of singleness. So if you want to join that giveaway, you can visit our Instagram page and read how to enter there. And of course, you can visit the podcast website. And we have that verse card set in our store that you can purchase. They Make Love gifts and it is my go to whenever I need a gift for a friend and I want something that’s going to be just well received and everyone loves. That is the gift to give.

But going back to our episode today, we have the well loved Martha Peace, who is probably best known for her book The Excellent Wife. In this episode, she is sharing her wisdom on how to get through that PMS week each month, and she is both a nurse and a biblical counselor, so she has a unique blend of expertise to help us swing through this issue. So without further ado, here is my conversation with Martha Peace.

Christi Rose: Well, Martha, it is such an honor for you to join the podcast today and to share wisdom on such a practical topic, one which while it may be in the distant past for you, is the current month by month struggle for so many of the women listening in. But before we start into our questions, would you be able to tell us a little bit about yourself and your background and where the Lord has you currently in your life and ministry?

Martha Peace: Well, I live in the Deep South of the United States and we live in Peachtree City, GA, which is about 45 minutes southwest of Atlanta, and it’s hot here today. But I grew up in this general area and lived in this general area most of my life. My husband and I have been married for 58 years and we have two children. He is a retired air traffic controller and I am a nurse and I don’t work as a nurse anymore. I used to years ago work as a nurse. When I was 33 years old, I was teaching nursing at a college near here and I was teaching critical care and the Lord put me in an office with a gal named Katrina Barnes. She is a very strong Christian and I was not a Christian and she would come into work every day talking about the Lord. She about drove me insane and it was like being chained to the Apostle Paul being with her. So anyway, the Lord just surrounded us with people, old friends witnessing to us and I started reading the Bible, the Gospel of John. My friend suggested that I read the Gospel of John and I just read it over and over again. I read it so much that I knew what was going to happen when I turned the page. And finally one night reading, I got up to chapter 14 and Jesus said I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes under the Father but by me. That was news to me. I mean, it shocked me that he was claiming to be the only way to God. And then he said, and this was more shocking. If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father. And I, even though I had read that several times that night the Lord illumined that to me and I went, he is claiming to be God. I couldn’t believe it. And then he said, if you love me, you will keep my commandments.

And I just came under great conviction of my sin. And it was a bad, ugly, dirty list of sin. And I began to confess my sin and the Lord every single thing I could think of. And before that I never really even thought it was sin. I didn’t think of myself as much of A Sinner, but I was a big Sinner and I would ask God to forgive me and I was having panic attacks during that time of my life. Looking back on it, I realized the Lord was putting me under conviction of my sin and just not letting me have peace about my life. And so I asked God to take my anxiety away. And then I said, but whether you do or whether you don’t. And I hesitated because I knew if he didn’t take it away that I would soon be probably in the psych hospital. I was going pretty looney tunes. And I said, but whatever you decide will glorify you the most. That’s what I want you to do. Well, he took my anxiety away. I mean, it was gone. And that’s not typical of Christian women who have panic attacks. It’s just the Lord just had mercy on me. And then we started going to church and then my friend at work, he gave loaned me tapes of John MacArthur. I he was a he’s a pastor in California. He teaches verse by verse. I never heard of him. I didn’t know anything about him. And she gave me all these tapes on 1st Corinthians. He had 12 lectures times 12. There were, he had all these lectures on 1st Corinthians and so driving to work and back, I would listen to them and it just, it made sense what he was saying. So we ended up in a Bible teaching church where the pastor taught verse by verse. That’s what we were looking for. Sanford, my husband got saved a few months after I did and we we went to church. We started learning a lot and growing a lot.

And then one day a young man walked into our church as a visitor and his name is was Lou Priolo and he was trained as a biblical counselor. And I didn’t want to be a counselor. I never had that desire. I just wanted to teach women. I did not want other women to make the same mistakes that I had made. And he Lew, he preached one Sunday night on bitterness and I was absolutely blown away. I did not know you could use the Bible in such a practical way to help people. And so he started teaching classes on biblical counseling, and we started going. I just wanted to be a more practical Bible teacher. And one day Lou said, will you come to work for me at the Atlanta Biblical Counseling Center? I need somebody part time to counsel women. And I said, no, I don’t. I have no desire to be a counselor. And he said, OK. So he snuck behind my back and went to my husband and said if you tell her to do it, she’ll do it. So Sanford said, I agree. He agreed with Lou that God had gifted me that way. So he said, I want you to try it. So I said, I’ll try, but I’m not promising anything. So I started going up there and listening to him, to Lou counsel other people. And they’d ask him a question or they’d say something and he would just know from the Bible what to tell him. And I was just amazed at that. And then one day somebody, a counselor, counsel, he said something. And Lou said, I let me think about that and I’ll get back with you. And I thought I can say that I don’t have to all the answers every time. And so then afterwards, Lou would call Jay Adams. Jay Adams started our counseling ministry and Jay would tell him what to do or what to say. So anyway, I did end up working there for Lou. We worked together for eight years. He trained me. And as a result of that training, I wrote the excellent wife book. So that was my first book. And that’s the one that if somebody, if somebody says I’ve read your book, I know which one they’re talking about. It’s probably not so.

Christi Rose: Yeah, so thankful for the fact that God did lead you and direct you to do biblical counseling. And this episode is going to be one of those opportunities for you to counsel the listeners through something that maybe they maybe the listeners don’t think there’s any redeeming quality about undergoing PMS every month. Or maybe that’s just something they have to live with. And but it is something that God allows into most women’s lives. And I just have to say, if there’s any men listening into this conversation, we’re going to keep it pretty kosher. So you won’t you don’t need to change the channel. And hopefully it will help your help you to live someday with your wife and an understanding way and understand kind of what these times are like. So, but I want to start us off here, we need to define our terms. So can you help us understand when we’re talking about PMS, what, what do we mean by that?

Martha Peace: Well, PMS stands for premenstrual syndrome, and it refers to a group of related disorders and symptoms that include dysphoria. Now dysphoria is an unpleasant to say the least physical and emotional symptom. And the PMS time are the maybe 3-4, maybe even 7 days before your period starts. So if you have a calendar and you know, you start counting, if your periods are regular and they’re every 28 days, start counting the day, day one of when your period started and then go over the calendar for 28 days and then count back for about 5 or 6 days. And that’s the PMS time. And that’s where you’re going to go berserk. You’re going to everything. If you haven’t. If you are easily angered person, you’ll just be a nightmare during that time. You’ll get worse. If you’re an anxious person, you’ll get worse. Whatever your underlying sin issues are are going to be exaggerated during that time. And then the day that your period starts again, you might have cramps, you might not feel too good that day, but the craziness will go away. So I recommend that you don’t plan a big dinner party during that PMS time and just be aware of your calendar and your schedule.

But the more that the Lord works with you on your underlying anger, your fear, your whatever the sinful issues are, the more the less bad your PMS time will be. And when I started working on a lecture on PMS and then this chapter in this book, I, I did a lot of research, medical research and gynecology doctors and their literature and what they say and how to treat it and all that. Every single one of the articles, and they were quite lengthy, had maybe two or three paragraphs of simple measures that a woman can do to try to lessen the the PMS struggle, and those were no caffeine during that time. Go every day for a walk. Not running, not exerting yourself, just a simple walk, maybe 15 minutes a day outside if you can. All of these doctors agreed that general measures very often will decrease or completely alleviate symptoms of PMS, exercise, diet, and supportive therapy. That means a friend to talk to. So and then they went page after page after page of all right now what else can we do? Well, they want the first thing they usually do is put you on birth control pills. Birth control pills have or hormones and so they have a side effect of anxiety and some people get some relief from being on a birth control pill, some get worse and most just a lot of them just say, well, they don’t see any difference in that. And then if that doesn’t work, they put you on psychotropic drugs like antidepressants or something like that. Those things are very difficult, especially to tolerate at the beginning. The antidepressants are chemically related to methamphetamines and so they’re a stimulant drug, they’re an upper, so it will make you anxious a lot of times if in fact there’s black box warrant, black box warnings on the antidepressant medicine that warns against teenagers or young adults taking them because of the increased risk of suicide. So these things are not nebulous, they’re not sugar pills, they are dangerous. So you need to just be aware. If you could just stop drinking caffeinated coffee and go out for a walk in the morning and just pray, talk to the Lord, draw close to Him, you can get through that time without it being so extremely difficult. It is difficult. It’s real PMS.

Christi Rose: Well, and I really thankful that you highlighted caffeine as being a horrible thing for your hormones. And I personally have really limited my coffee consumption. Not that I, you know, an addict or crazy addict, I’ll have a cup in the morning, but I’ve cut that out to like just doing 2 cups a week instead of every morning. And I’ve already noticed a huge improvement in my health just by taking that measure. And it is such a, a hard step for so many people to take because coffee is such a comfort beverage. It’s a social beverage. It gives you that little pick me up in the morning. But I mean, it’s proven to really mess with your hormones. And so if you’re having really bad PMSI would say that should be our first line of defense, cutting that out and just be see what what it does. I mean, and if you see a dramatic improvement, that’ll give you the motivation to stick with it and maybe find alternatives or even vitamin deficiencies or things of that nature can really impact hormones. So getting your levels checked, making sure you’re you’re good on those areas is always a helpful measure as well. So.

Martha Peace: Well, the main problem though that we have with the PMS is the underlying sin issues that we struggle with on a daily basis. They’re just exaggerated during the PMS time. So that is something that you can go to the Lord, you can memorize scripture, you can pray. One thing that has that helped me a lot was realizing that in First Thessalonians it says be thankful for all things for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. And so whenever something would irritate me or something I didn’t want to do, but I needed to do or it maybe even it could be a little test, God testing me, or it could be a great big trial that happens. We need to thank God for the test and we need to learn to think in God honoring ways. And in Philippians 4, it gives it. Paul gives a very neat list of think on things that are true and right and God honoring and excellent and praiseworthy. These are thoughts that point to God. So what I do with my counselors, if there’s counselees, if they’re struggling with this kind of thing or whatever they’re struggling with, I will say this week, when you feel anxious or you feel frustrated, that’s how you feel. When you’re angry or you feel irritated or you feel overwhelmed or whatever the painful emotion is, I want you to take a second and write down what you’re thinking. Because as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. And then when you come back for counseling, we’re going to go thought by thought and the go to the scriptures. And because I have women say I have all this anxiety and I’ve asked God to help me and he won’t help me. Well, he does. He will help you. You’re just, they’re just not doing what he says to do. And it begins with your heart and what you’re thinking. And so I one is I learned a lot from Lou when I was working with him about how to practically guide people if they’re struggling with anger or anxiety or depression or whatever. But we have to get inside a person, inside their heart, and that’s what they’re thinking. So it’s the more that they, the Lord helps them with that kind of thing, then the PMS time will get better and better.

Christi Rose: Yes, and that was such an insightful point you made, that God will help us, but many times we are not doing what He’s commanded in order to receive His help. So that’s a sign of our pride that we’re crying out to the Lord for help, but wanting His help on our terms. But one redeeming quality, just speaking about pride that I was thinking about regarding PMS, is that it shows us our weakness on a new level. And I think God uses that to humble us and keep us dependent on Him and His strength. And like you all said also, God uses those times to reveal our sin. He brings it to the surface of our hearts so that we can deal with it and clear it away.

Martha Peace: Bringing dross to the surface. That’s true when I have a counselee comfort because she’s struggling with PMS or she may not be struggling with PNS, but it is an issue in her life. We have to come up with a biblical plan of action, and the mood swings that she’s experiencing are real and they’re difficult, but they are not an excuse to sin. So we still are held accountable by God for what we’re thinking or how we’re reacting. I’ll give you a couple of examples of wrong thoughts. The Bible says that we’re to honor God. Well, an example of a wrong thought is why doesn’t God help me? After all I’ve done for him? Look what I get. But an example of a God honoring thought instead of that would be, Lord, forgive me for maligning you. Instead, use me for Your glory, however you choose. If the PMS symptoms have to continue, they just have to continue. I want to glorify you. So this it is getting deep in your heart, which is what you’re thinking. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. And you, You really can’t get any deeper inside a person than than what they’re desiring and what they’re thinking. And they’re going to have to tell you what that is.

Christi Rose: Now, one thing you just mentioned there about, you know, if this has to continue, then it will continue. So what encouragement can you offer women who are struggling? You know, PMS can seem like it’s, you know, going to could be lifelong or at least till menopause and or any other long standing trial in someone’s life when there’s no point of relief that they can see. What encouragement would you offer someone who is in an extended chronic trial?

Martha Peace: A chronic trial with the PMS or other trials in there like or.

Christi Rose: Well, just PMS and then even if it’s something else, maybe another health issue that doesn’t seem to ever have a solution or an answer and it’s just ongoing. And that can really be a test of endurance and perseverance and it can be discouraging when you don’t see a, a solution in the future.

Martha Peace: Well. That’s true. I mean, some people have really bad arthritis and even there, though they’re on medicine, it’s not fully controlled. I remember our daughter Anna had a very bad bout with a very aggressive breast cancer and she’s fine now as far as we know. But, and it’s been about 5 or 6 years, but she heard she was clinging to God and you would ask her how is she? Do you know, how are you doing, Anna? And she said my anchor is holding and she told people, she said I’m in a win win situation. And I’m like, well, explain that to me that you’re in a win win situation. And she said, well, if the Lord takes me home, that’s a win. I’ll be with him. And if he lets me have a cure, then that’s a win. And I said, well, you do have a point there in First Corinthians 10, verse 13. Let me find it. This is an amazing, amazing verse that gives all of us that are Christians hope and it says Paul wrote no temptation. Now that word temptation in the Greek, the New Testament was written in Greek originally can be translated trial or pressure. So depending on what somebody’s going through, I might substitute the word trial or pressure. No trial has overtaken you, but such as is common to man and God is faithful who will not allow you to be pressured beyond what you are able, but with the pressure will provide the way of escape also so that you will be able to bear up under it. So God promises that he’s not going to let us be tempted or pressured or tried more than we can bear. Now it’s and it can seem like we can come close to the tippy edge of that, but that is an amazing promise. That’s one of the hope versus that I use for my counselees.

Christi Rose: Now with PMS and with some of the exaggerated emotions that you’re going to be dealing with, you know, crying and all of that, how do we know when we’ve stepped from sin or something that’s not sinful into sinning during those times of the emotions going haywire?

Martha Peace: Well, there’s a fine line there. And James, James says if any of you like wisdom, let him ask of God and he will give it to you. You can ask the Lord, you can know your keep a thought log of what you’re thinking and then analyze it biblically and then you can know that you’re sinning. I remember one time I was PMS ING and my husband and I were driving somewhere. It was just two of us and all of a sudden I just felt like he would be better off if I were dead. Now that was a bizarre thought and that was not true. But I said it to him, You would be better off if I were dead. And I started crying and he looked at me like, are you from the moon? He said, don’t you ever say anything like that again. So I never. Did. But that it didn’t even make sense. You know, it was, it was bizarre, but that’s how I felt. Well, how we feel is coming from what we’re thinking and the PMS hormonal stuff. I mean, your brain swells up when you get PMS and you’re just lovely. You know, you just look lovely when you’re PMS ING. But I would have a log of right thoughts and good thoughts and write scripture that will be like Romans 828 and 29. We know that God causes all things. These are the good things that happened to us as well as the bad things that happened to us to work together for good, for our good, to those. But there’s a hitch to those who love God. Well, you have to be born again to be in that category and you have to be obeying Him to those who are called according to His purpose. For those who need 4 new these little believers He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son. So all these trials we go to go through and physical trials are trials. PMS is a trial and it’s real is to make us more like Christ. And we’re never going to be 100% Christ like in this life, but we will be sinless when we go to be with him. But we should be able to look back on our Christian life from the time we got saved until now and know that we we do have more self-control. We do have less anger, we do have less fear. And I like to have my counselees. I help them come up with a trigger. I call them emergency trigger thoughts. And these are based on Scripture, based on the character of God that we can for instance, thought might be this is difficult, but the Lord will not give me more than I can bear. If I ask him for wisdom, He will help me and then just carry that around with you and remind yourself of that. And the Psalms are a lot of we used to call them God’s tranquilizers. So just opening up to the Psalms and start reading out loud and if you’re having trouble concentrating, read it over and over again and it just reminds you of God and it is just, it’s sweet and it is a precious thing. So we can think things that are true and right and God honoring, but we don’t usually think those things when we’re PMS.

Christi Rose: And that’s why, you know, it’s so important, as Titus 2 tells us, to be sensible and to be thinking and not run by our emotions. And PMS can be a real challenge because we do want to do what we feel like doing and don’t want to do what we don’t feel like doing. But as believers, we are called to obedience. And that is, you know, even if we don’t feel like doing it, we are to do the right thing. And the more you get into those habits, I think maybe the less of a struggle it will be once you have that self-control, that discipline to not give in to your emotions in those times. And I don’t know if you want to share anything on emotions in general or or how women are to think and interact with emotions because they are give God made us, created us with emotions. You know, they’re not sinful in and of themselves, but we have to understand their proper role and place in our lives. So.

Martha Peace: Well, emotions come secondary from what you’re telling yourself or what you’re thinking. And we can think wrong thoughts or anxious thoughts or frustrating thoughts, angry thoughts, that kind of thing. And then we’re going to feel that way. Like if somebody has a problem with anxiety or worry, they tended to be a warrior when they were child and they just kept on doing that and got really good at it. And they, they grew up and they might think I just know something bad is going to happen. Well, there may be nothing bad in their life happening. But the more they think about it and the more they think I just know this is going to happen. And then they begin to feel like that is happening. Well, the Lord is not helping them because it’s not even reality what they’re thinking in my attitudes of the transformed heart, Chapter 9 is how to think biblically and I go into great detail about the different kinds of thoughts that we are to think and give a lot of examples of wrong thinking and then right thinking. The Puritans when they in their writings, they said we need to work and being godly and thinking godly thoughts and they called it holy, HOLY sweat. In other words, you got to work at this. It’s not to just descend upon you. So this is whatever issue that you’re struggling with. And when I was young, we had problems, but now the girls have issues. There are remedies, biblical remedies for it, but it’s going to be you’re going to have to put off the wrong thinking and desires, which will those will be exaggerated, of course, during the PMS time and put on the God honoring right thoughts. If the emotions are real, they’re true. If somebody jumps out from behind a tree with a gun, you’re going to have a panic attack. That’s not a sinful emotion, but just making up stuff that oh, I just know something bad’s going to happen. It’s not good and it’s not honoring to God.

Christi Rose: Well, and I’ll just share for myself personally, the little steps that I take when I’m feeling pretty down or emotional, what the first thing I do is I I get alone, I’ll read scripture, I’ll pray, I’ll cry If I feel like I need to get the tears out sometimes I’ll journal. And then after all of that, I turn on worship music. And do some singing and then I do the next thing, you know, like Elizabeth Elliott says, you just, you get up and you carry on. I also try to fit in a walk if I can, some kind of exercise to. And that it is amazing how much those little steps help. And by the end of all those things, I’m usually in a much better frame of mind. I’m, my emotions have scaled back significantly. And then if I feel like I do need additional encouragement at that point, iPhone a friend or try to talk to somebody. But I find that if I do all those steps first, go to the Lord first, deal with those things with him and get his encouragement, then I’m not giving the tsunami of emotion to another person, you know, when I’m feeling overwhelmed. And then I just, if I go to a friend first, they get the brunt of that emotion and can be overwhelming to them too, to have to try to figure out how to help you. But I’m, I’m finding more and more if I do these steps, it really does help to de escalate what I’m feeling. And then I come away and courage because I’m reminded of the Lord’s strength and his character and my hope is in him and he is the source of my joy and he is my helper and my stronghold and my shield. And once you remind yourself of all those things, you’re not going to be fixated on your weaknesses or whatever issue you were discouraged about, but you’re going to be in a more hopeful frame of mind because you know who your God is, who you’re, and he’s the one who is your helper and going to sustain you. So.

Martha Peace: In first Peter, Peter talks about in verse 3, chapter 1, blessed be the godfather of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to his great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. To obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you who are protected by the power of God through faith for salvation, ready to be revealed in the last time. So he’s talking about the inheritance that awaits us in glory. In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials. PMS is one of those trials so that the proof of your faith being more precious than gold, which is perishable even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Lord is testing us in this and that He will help us along. And though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory. Obtaining is the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. So PMS can be a little trial, or we could experience a huge trial in our lives, but the Lord is testing us and proving our faith if it’s to be genuine or if we’re going to, we’re going to praise Him and glorify Him and honor Him. Or if we’re going to just go berserk, which is what I used to do when I had PMS.

Christi Rose: And, you know, he doesn’t promise us no troubles or no trials. And I think that’s so helpful to remember. On a previous episode, Philip de Corsi made the said the quote, he doesn’t promise us a smooth crossing, but a safe landing. So we are going to have trouble. We are going to have trials in this life. But he is with us. And I think that’s the the key that brings us comfort in any affliction. Or I really appreciate how you brought the various trials and various being. It could be a number of things. It’s not just persecution for our faith, but it could be health issues or could be PMS. But he is with us through those things and we can lean on him and he’ll give us his strength to not sin in those moments of weakness. So when we are clinging to him. And I think it was Elizabeth Elliott who said anything that makes me need God is a blessing. So any time like this where we are especially weak physically, emotionally, we feel weak spiritually and we are going to be clinging harder to the Lord and abiding more closely with Him. And that is a blessing if it makes us to do that. And He will show himself strong in our weakness. When we are weak, He is strong. So hopefully those promises, those truths will encourage and I, I know what encourages me. I hope it’ll encourage the listeners in those times that feel overwhelming that you can still go to the rock who is higher than you. Another verse that I so love is when my heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever. So a lot of times during PMS, we feel like both of those things are happening. Our heart and our flesh are failing. But God, so he is, he is truly the one who’s going to sustain us and carry us through and he’s going to accomplish all of his purposes for us despite these weaknesses. And he knows our circumstances. He knows our weaknesses and yet His purposes for our lives can still be accomplished if we are yielding and submissive to Him and the means He is using to work in our lives and in our hearts. So I don’t know if you have any final thoughts, Martha, that you want to leave with the listeners today as encouragement?

Martha Peace: Well, it’s your calendars out and mark the days, count them back from when you think your next period is going to start, and then plan to go for a brief walk or some kind of brief exercise. Memorize, get some scripture, some sweet scripture about the Lord and start memorizing it, saying it out loud to yourself over and over again and work on the things in your heart that you need. You know, you need to work on. If you have an anxiety issue or you have a anger issue or you have a self pity or depression issue, that kind of thing, and the more you do that, the better, the easier you’ll get through that nightmare of those days.

Christi Rose: Yeah, such practical steps that we can take to become more sound minded.

Martha Peace: Right, right. That’s I would try that first rather than trying to get on some kind of a psychotropic drug.

Christi Rose: Thank you, Martha, for your time today and your wisdom from all your years of counseling and then being a nurse. So just a wonderful combination for our discussion today and I hope the listeners will come away with some some tips and tricks. And of course, clinging to the Lord more closely during those times when the hormones are raging and the PMS is strong. But we have a God who is stronger and above all of that, and so he can help us through it.