EP 56

Christi: Welcome to the smiling at the future podcast. My name is Christi Rose and this is my pursuit to glean practical wisdom on, femininity, homemaking, finances relationships, and singleness from the God-fearing men and women in my life. Hope you enjoy this journey with me as we learn to smile at the future.

Christi: Hey, everyone, and in today’s conversation, I’ve invited Betty Price on the podcast to share about her life and the unique ways that she has served the Lord during her 79 years as a single woman. She is full of wisdom, scripture and life experience. May what she shares will give you some ideas for how you can invest your life. And also I hope it will give you perspective that even if God doesn’t have marriage for me, or for you, it’s not as bleak as our imaginations make it seem. Betty is a shining example that our lives can still be rich with people and fulfilling service for the Lord. So with that springboard, here is my conversation with Betty Price.

Christi: Betty, what a delight to have you sit down with me today over zoom. And I appreciate your willingness to share your life and heart on this topic of singleness. And I am eager to learn from someone who has walked this road so well, through the course of her life, but before we go through the questions, would you share who you are, and where God has you today in your life and Ministry?

Betty: Okay. Thank you, Christi. I’m glad to be here with you. It’s a joy and thank you for asking me to share. Well, to go back a ways, I grew up in the South. I grew up in the church. Heard the gospel from an early age. Believed in Christ when I was fairly young, but I really did not get really good solid Bible teaching for quite a while.

Betty: Went to college and majored in journalism and English. My first job was local newspaper reporter and the week I finished College in the South. I moved to Los Angeles. So it was a huge culture shock when learning to drive on the freeways and all and trying to figure out when people might Southern drawl is so thick people couldn’t understand what I was saying in the early days.

Betty: The first four years that I was out here, I worked as one of the young right out of college, editors for a national magazine for teenage girls. It was I think kind of silly teenage fluffy things. It was a secular magazine but the mechanics of doing Printing and Publishing and copy editing and all of that was really good experience for some of us, a bunch of us.

Betty: Right out of college. In those days I was part of a church near Sunset Strip and there was all kinds of ministry going on to run away kids from all over the country, who are on the Strip, especially every weekend and our church started a halfway house. When some of those kids would make a commitment to Christ. It was a big, two-story house, near downtown LA. And eventually, when my roommate got married, I moved into that house for a little over a year, so that was an education in itself.

Betty: I had a pretty sheltered background and here, we’re all these kids really have different ages. They lived on the streets and crazy lifestyle, but that was just learning a lot about evangelism in those days and some guys who are really gifted and evangelism who would walk around Sunset Strip sharing the gospel and I had never grown up being around, people who actually did that. And so it was wonderful to listen and to learn.

Betty: Eventually, I had the opportunity to I tend to Bible Institute for two years, it was in a somebody had bought a fraternity house at UCLA and kind of turned into place of ministry and Bible teaching. So I got to attend there for two years and that was the first time that I got really excited about God’s word and about wanting to learn and to grow. And so, I was there for two years and the second year I took Greek and studied and think we translated the book of First John.

Betty: So eventually I went on and did some more graduate education, I’ll share more about that later, right? About the time, I finished that graduate education, I was invited to join the staff of a large church. Here was Grace Community Church and was on staff there for about seven years. And that was another part of my education.

Betty: I think all of those seven years and I was invited to be part of the Pastoral staff meetings. And in those days, they had about 50 Seminary trained pastors, we would sit around tables. You know, everybody facing each other in a really large room. Very rarely spoke up in had anything to say, but I listened a lot and learned a ton of, you know, Bible study and Ministry and counseling, all kinds of things, it was great experience.

Betty: And then my next step was to come to the Masters University College, in those beginning years, and now the Masters University and I spent about 15 years as the woman’s Dean, that was probably the most intimidating growing learning time of my entire life. So many challenges with that but working together with wonderful people who became lifelong friends as we did that hard work together, so it was great. And then all those years and way past being the one of the Deans I’ve taught one two or three classes for women students at the University and that’s been a huge blessing.

Christi: What types of classes did you teach?

Betty: The main ones I really, for about 20 years? I think I taught a class, we called message prep for women learning a lot about public speaking, and I’m not the expert on that. But I’ve spent a lot of time trying to learn about it and then had the opportunity to teach. It wasn’t really, it wasn’t a lecture class, but mainly a place for students to try their hand at public speaking. We would Record them and they would have to watch their video and they would get feedback.

Betty: And I tried to make it as because I had grown up so shy and never dreamed that I would ever be doing teaching or public speaking in front of anybody. So I tried to create it to be a really safe place for them to try their hand at it, if especially, if they were nervous about it. So it was a great experience for me. And I think for a lot of students, it was, you know, a good experience for them to and then through all those years I was involved in church. Check Grace for many, many years, and then later at other churches over a lot of years as well. So church has always been an important commitment to me.

Christi: And you are still at Masters, right?

Betty: I am. I’m a junk now. Teaching just two classes, I mentioned the message for the other two classes principles of personal Bible study. So I doing inductive study, how to study on your own. I’ve had girls usually, by the end of the class, Class. Say, I’m glad I took the class because I was always afraid to try to interpret the Bible on my own. I felt like it was so you don’t want to get it wrong. It’s so important to get it right and I would say but we have so many wonderful commentaries by Scholars who know so much more than we do that. We can seek to interpret for ourselves but then always check ourselves with people who know more than we do and you don’t have to be afraid to try to study. And so that’s the class. I’m still teaching in the other one that I’m doing to right now. We call personal discipleship. It’s kind of a spiritual growth class where the girls read every week, and write a personal response, paper and bring their coffee, and we sit in a circle and and talk about it. So it’s ones class on Bible study and the other one’s all practical application.

Christi: That’s wonderful.

Betty: Yeah. And use and I have been there alone. I think I’ve been at Masters, 37 years now. Wow, they tell me I’m semi-retired since I’m a junk but it doesn’t really feel like it. I’m fortunate to have not all my students, but some of them who want to have coffee or lunch outside of class. And I think it’s wonderful for College University, aged women to want to talk to an older woman. So I’m happy to do that. Sometimes it’s a challenge to fit our schedules together, but but I’m blessed to get to do that with students this year earlier this year, I turned 79 years old and I’m very thankful for the long rich life that the Lord has given me.

Christi: Well, you are incredibly active for being 79. When you told me that earlier I was shocked, I thought you were much younger you know you have a special and unique perspective on some of the areas of singleness that maybe younger women haven’t walked through or understand. And so I’m excited to learn from what the Lord has taught you and your practical wisdom to give us. So I would love to start with our first. First question here, looking back on your single life. What are some of the greatest blessings that stand out to you?

Betty: Okay. There’s been a lot of them one that has impacted them on my whole life since those years of coming to La those four years of working at that teenage magazine. The bathtub person, second year that I was there. One of my promotions because I had about four different jobs at the magazine over four years, I was given the opportunity to hire somebody to replace me in my previous role and to train her. And so, I think I found her on the job board at UCLA and she was a Jewish bound who had grown up in a secular Jewish home here in LA. And we just became really good friends. Worked really hard together at the magazine.

Betty: And after we’d known each other for six months, I was apartment hunting, and she would go with me at lunch time, and she finally admitted that, she didn’t like living by herself. And I couldn’t find an apartment that I liked and could afford. So they are now was willing to move in with her. I don’t know that I would recommend that for a Believer always to move in with an unbeliever, but I knew her by been on you. She was a moral person that we wouldn’t have issues with that. But for a whole year, we were talking about the gospel about Jesus and she was very engaged in those conversations. And at the end of a year she made a commitment to Christ. It was Just, it was amazing.

Betty: And then, the next year, we met the guy that she married and the two of them just included me in their family ever since, and they have been utterly amazing. I think I lived with them for three different, three different times for relatively short times. But one time for seven years, when their two kids were small, so I had the wonderful opportunity they had me and they were very Hands-On parents. That was not a nanny but got to be really involved with kids and sometimes they’d be off their couples Bible study and I got to feed the kids and put them to bed and pray with them and that was a wonderful experience and a great time for me.

Betty: And now those two little ones are grown and there are four kids that know me as grandma B. Always, gotten to be somewhat a part of their lives and get to go to their graduations and baptisms and music concerts and art shows and it’s been wonderful. Able to be included in their family. I spend pretty much all the holidays with them. Sometimes spend a little bit longer and the gal, who’s kind of like a daughter to me. She and her husband. He took me in just as closely when he married her and they have three kids. So they’ve invited me to go and their family vacations. But they said, we know you don’t want to spend three weeks on the road with all of us in the band. But if you could pop in, for part of that time, we would love it. So I’ve been The dear fly into where they were and spend three or four days or a week and that’s been a wonderful.

Betty: So that family and all that, I mean, they have blessed me even financially and ways at times when I didn’t even know I had a need or wasn’t asking for anything but things they provided have been way over and above and beyond. So that’s been one of the best blessings.

Christi: Such a good encouragement for I think all single women to adopt a family in a sense. And sometimes they adopt you but yeah. What a mutual benefit to them and their kids and to you to be a part of that community and have that love and warmth. So, yeah, I highly highly recommend it for anyone listening to do that.

Betty: And it’s, I think it’s given me a, and I’ve had other things, I’ve been really close to as well, but a sense of belonging away. Obviously not the same as having a husband but still a sense of people who are permanently committed to you, and it’s been very special. So that’s been a huge blessing.

Betty: Another thing has been the education part of it that I talked about earlier. There were times when opportunities came to study more, and I felt like, well, okay, God’s not providing marriage right now because I probably couldn’t do that if I were getting married but yes, I would love to study Bible more. I would love to learn more. So why wouldn’t I do that? I attended a seminary. I know some women, think if you go to Seminary, you’re looking to be a pastor. I never wanted to do that. That was not my commitment. That was not what I expected believe. But I just wanted to study more so that I could teach other women and so the opportunity to study and to complete a master’s degree, in biblical studies has been an incredible blessing to me and then sometime it really. Driving at Grace Church. Those seven years, I had the opportunity to go to Israel and study for a year. So that was pretty amazing live in The Institute in Jerusalem for a year and take field trips all over the country. With really skilled. People teaching about all the different locations and that was a wonderful experience. So getting to study, that ways been a blessing.

Betty: And additionally I mean, I grew up with a father who we could travel as far from home is we wanted to as long as he could be back in his own bed that night. So there was not a lot of travel in my family and the Lord has taken me places in the world. I never dreamed. I would get to go. And again, when those opportunities, they were mostly through summer missions trips with Master students. There would be times where I’d have the opportunity to do that and I think well if God would bring in marriage to me right now that would need to be my priority. And if I had kids I could not Do this. But really there’s no reason that I couldn’t.

Betty: So there were two summers that we took students and spend a month in Russia. A Russian University and then there were two summers after that that we took a group of students and spent three or four weeks in Kiev in the Ukraine. So it’s been interesting with all that’s going on right now to have spent time in both of those countries with a friend of mine. She went with me to just kind of support me but I pulled her into the teaching a little bit. I was invited to teach other theological Institute in Moscow for some graduate students were a couple of weeks so that was an amazing thing. That again things that you know I probably wouldn’t have done if I were married.

Betty: I was invited the man who then missions pastor at Grace was in Minnesota and he and the youth. Pastor invited me to go with their high school with them. The two men, the missions. Pastor. We need to pasture and their High School South Africa, and Mozambique for a missions trip. So that was another great experience and learning time for me. And then the unique trip of all of them was Romania for 12 days. When the dictator was in power in the secret secret police, ran the country. I told people it was what I imagine being in a spy movie would have been a lot of secrecy and we met with six different towns with small groups of women to teach them. We only We went by first names and they were code names. They were not the names on about sports so that if we were interrogated or they were by the secret police, those women would not know our real names on our passports and we couldn’t be connected with each other.

Betty: So the it was a an amazing time to see how Believers in that country were living and how much they were willing to risk, to be able to get together and talk about the Lord and talk about his word and meet with women, who would come to teach them their, a lot of Should help that trip, but it was challenging and scary in some ways, but a wonderful opportunity and again, just a lot of that travel, that’s a large. So allowed me to do. That’s open my eyes a lot to, you know, people in other parts of the world and struggles. I would never have had any idea about. So there are tons more blessings but those are a few of them.

Christi: Thanks for touching on those highlights so fun. I think the most traveling I’ve ever done was also when I was a student at Masters, I did a missions trip to Cambodia. I did a semester in Israel and we got to go to Greece to, as like the little side trip there. So, yeah. So fun to get those opportunities and to do it in that context of other students. And we are not just by yourself, but you can do it with others, which is probably a benefit to you as well having those companions.

Christi: So my next question is, is kind of funny but it’s a stereotype that people have for single women, or I don’t know. Maybe this is for single men, too, but as they age, they kind of acquire pets and you hear about the Catwoman, you know, the lady that has 7 pets and treats them like her children. And so, my question to you is, how did you not become a stereotypical Catwoman, but you stayed devoted to People and Ministry. So that might be kind of a funny question, but just thought I would throw it out there.

Betty: It’s great. I appreciate that. I like dogs and cats. A number of my friends have pets and I love and enjoying there’s there. Two of them had to be on my lap same time. Last time I was out of their house to little bit cute, little dogs. I mean, I love them and I think that’s great but I think it was it’s a Lord convinced me somewhere along the way that people needed to be my priority and one of the things I and I’m not opposed to people having pets. I think everybody’s got a price. A about that and do what they need to do, but they take a lot of time, they really affect your schedule. I’ve been with friends where they have to leave an event and go home to, you know, do something to take care of the pets and maybe come back to the event and that’s fine that to them. That’s important. And they want to have the kids travel gets tricky, got to have somebody who will take care or somewhere to board them.

Betty: But I think for me and and I keep hearing from friends about how much it can. Us nowadays. But I think for me it’s mainly just an issue of time and scheduling that God said, my life was so many people that to be in touch with her help support or, you know, and various ways that I just felt like I mean I can love kids but I don’t have time to online and try to take care of one.

Betty: The main thing that helped me with that is somewhere early on, as I began to study the word, it’s so impacted me that when the man came to Jesus Jesus and said what’s the most important Commandment that Jesus responded? And I think we as women, you know, especially if we struggle with marriage and it can be so important to talk with the Masters girls all the time because they want to talk to me about that. And if they find out about always been single, they have questions about that Jesus didn’t answer and say the very most important thing for you to do as a woman, is to get married or to have babies. Those are wonderful things. I just tell those are extra added blessings. If God gives you those, but What Jesus said is the most important thing is to love God with all that you are heart soul mind and strength to love God, that God is your absolute priority. And then secondly, second main thing to do is to love and care for other people that because God has loved you. And you have that love relationship with him. Now, you’re too passed out on your just serve and love other people. Unbelievers by sharing the gospel, and Believers by serving them, in all kinds of ways.

Betty: And that, That just really helped me to really focus on the Lord, you know, another thing during that time, Lord just reminded me of this the other day because I don’t look at it that much anymore. But when I was 31 years old, I was doing some freelance writing and editing and a guy hired me and I haven’t seen him in a hundred years. I don’t know anything about him or where he is or, you know, if he’s walking with the Lord or anything, but he was a guy that was teaching some seminars and I in different Church I think in different places, but it was seminars on how to he called it how to plan, lifelong goals. And so I’m supposed to be writing this workbook for him to use with these seminars and that was fascinating to me. Because I would buy at that point, I was like, I think I know how to plan goals for next week. What do you mean, w, long goals? You know, how do you do that? And so I don’t think I don’t even know what he was sharing about that but just on my own with ER, I just remember trying to think through, I think, if I’m going to have lifelong goals, they should be paired up with what the Bible says, is for eternity, that they should be connected. So what does the bible tell us is eternal.

Betty: And so, I did my own little bible study and there were four things, I mean, obviously God is eternal, God’s word is eternal it endures forever. There’s a verse in Revelation that refers to the Eternal gospel. And then we know people are Eternal either with the Lord or far away in punishment for rejecting God. But think it, so I spent time thinking about that and I put together and eight different areas of my life. I wrote down like a little goal that was all tied in with Biblical because I had biblical references for each one. I still have, this is the old paper and the old typing from years and years ago. But and I think in the early, These early years, I would look back at dad and review like him. And and am I on track? These were not things I was or ever have them. Perfect in. Everything’s just strive for, don’t me to read a couple.

Christi: Oh, I would love for you to read a couple.

Betty: The one I put for a spiritual goal was to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength to grow daily, in my knowledge of him, and understanding of his ways to praise Him daily and give him glory and all things. To love his word and make it my daily meditation to spend time with him and fellowship daily. And then I had about six Bible verses out there and then for Ministry goals. I put to exercise my spiritual gifts for the edification of the body of Christ and to grow in the character of a servant who unselfishly meets the needs of others to teach God’s word and it’s practical application to other women that God might be glorified in their lives. More Bible references. Now, read a couple more for friendships, I put to build and maintain quality friendships where I can grow through the example, and influence of others and where I can be a Godly example, influence for others to love my neighbor as myself to be the initiator in, loving and accepting people, rather than waiting for them. To reach out, to me to offer, Hospitality in my home.

Betty: And one more my reading goal, Was to read regularly those books and materials. Which one this was in addition to the spiritual goal of being in God’s word to read regularly those books and materials, which will promote the renewing of my mind and the fulfilling of all my other goals to read. Current events materials, which will keep me knowledgeable of the world around me, and better able to apply scripture to everyday life situations and to pray for specific needs and to converse with non-christians. So that’s a few wow, again. Thank you strive, for not things I ever have been perfect in.

Christi: Well what wonderful ways to strive for the right things though and you know that the Lord is going to empower you to walk in the good works that he has planned for you. So boy. Yeah, what those are. Beautiful Betty. Appreciate you sharing those with us.

Christi: So our next question is a little little more serious in nature. But did you ever reach a point? Where you realize that God did not have marriage for you and what did coming to terms with that look like in your heart and your life, whatever you want to share?

Betty: I think for me, it just gradually happened, I mean, when I was younger and right out of college. So I just assumed I wasn’t in a hurry and I didn’t feel like, oh, I have to get married or die kind of thing. But but I just figured eventually it would happen and especially after I came to La, I dated a number of guys but I never felt like anyone of them was okay. This is the one that God wants me to commit to even though there were two of them who were kind of pursuing that. But I just You there. What? They were not the right guys for me. Yeah. And I don’t look back on that and feel like I missed somebody that I should have made a commitment with. So I think it was just a slow thing for me to gradually come to the place that this is not happening and I’m actually very content with it and I’m fine.

Betty: I think part of how the Lord helped me get over. If I, if I did have any kind of us An idol about marriage. I’m the Lord helped me to get past that even when I was sometimes teaching at the large Church, like in women’s groups. And, and all I would have women who would want to talk to me, just privately and I would never present obviously, be really ridiculous to present myself as some marriage counselor, as a woman, who’s always been single. But because I’ve been teaching God’s word and different settings, women will come and want to talk about their personal. Shoes.

Betty: And I would just hear different heart-rending situations that women were in with their marriages and there were times. I mean, I would try to care for them and pray for them and if there was, you know, wise counsel to give to pray about doing that, but I would walk away from those conversations and really listening to all that was going on and think. Wow, being single is so much more hopeful and so much better than being. Being in such a incredibly unhappy marriage or where you’re not, even on the same page with this guy that you’ve made this life commitment with.

Betty: And so, I mean, I think in that sounds like from a negative standpoint, but I think we learn by positive and negative examples. So, I think that helped me at points, I think it. And as I’ve tried to talk with the Masters girls, too, I think that it’s great to desire marriage and for marriage. Really important to you and to really pray about it and ask God provide that but be careful that you don’t manipulate and try to just make something happen because you are going to hit trials. Every every Christian does, every married couple does you will hit trials and you don’t want to be in the middle of a trial and wonder if it was really God’s will for you to marry this guy you know to be thinking wow maybe I just You know, did this and that and I was too controlling and I manipulated and maybe we would, you know, maybe it wasn’t God directly, it was just me making this happen and that you don’t want to do that.

Betty: But yeah, for me, I think it was gradual and it took a while. It wasn’t like, I was real discontent. All along the way, I had obviously plenty that I was doing. It was going on, but just assumed eventually, it would happen. And then eventually I realized, I think I’m more effective for the Lord single and I Probably would, I think it worked out a live as a single woman, I’m not sure. I would know how to function as a married woman and I have to say because I think I had a lot of other interests, even like the education and studying the missions traveling it. Maybe it wasn’t as hard for me to make that adjustment as some of my friends who just felt like life was not going to be a good thing period if they didn’t get married and I think it’s good, you know, for the Young Young woman whose single to don’t just put your life on pause and wait for marriage. I’m a keep pursuing the Lord and do what he is leading you to do.

Betty: When I remember one student to marriage wasn’t happening for her, but she went to Bangladesh and taught school for two years. And when the year that she came back, God brought the guy into her life that she married. And I’m like, what if she had just said? Well, I’ll never meet anybody in Bangladesh. I need to stay here and hope a guy comes along. Like she’s had two years of Rich experience in another country and now she has, I think it’s three little boys. The last time I saw her and she’ll raise her kids with a broader view of the world because of that experience that she had other student, I spent a good bit of time with. We would talk a lot of because all her friends, three or four argument Masters met the guys there at Masters. And she was in their weddings and went all their showers, but it wasn’t happening for her. And she would say I’m intimidating to guys because I’m Tall. I’m intimidating to guys because I love study and I’m a good student and and then eventually she said I’ve always wanted to be a veterinarian and I guys oh, really be intimidated if I’d met the area and you said, but I’m not believe. The Lord wants me to go to veterinary school.

Betty: So she did and she came back here and worked at a vet clinic in Reseda for a while. But a few years later, she was up in Washington. And she emailed me and said you Wait for me about this for a long time. I’ve met somebody and I think it’s going to happen fast. So, I was up there not long after that and I got to meet. Well, it turned out that he was a guy who had been married and had three little kids. And his wife, two years earlier had died. I think it was a brain tumor, but she had been a veterinarian. He was not intimidated at all. That was a veterinarian. Yeah, so God has all kinds of ways to work in to bring people together but her Again, her life was richer and Fuller because she went ahead and did the thing she loved to do since marriage wasn’t happening, but God still brought marriage to her exactly.

Christi: And I think that’s a sign of contentment, I think if you’re single and discontent and not able to enjoy life as a single, I think that is prescriptive of what you will be like in marriage as well because there’s always going to be something that you’re looking forward to or want. There happened to feel fulfilled, it content happy. And so if learning that lesson now being joyful, useful, people-oriented, all of that in this season, I think will prove what kind of married woman you will be as well. So do you have a completely agree with that? Yeah, you have any for someone who is struggling in the contentment field, any tips that you would say. You would encourage them with whatever you want to share on that.

Betty: Yeah, I’ll share some of that. I’ve spoken to women’s groups a lot Through The Years about this topic of contentment, that seems to be what they always ask for. It could give five choices they choose and timid and I’ve even had shared some of the school and students would come back and say, I still had several years ago, but I still remember what you shared about that friend of yours.

Betty: This is a very long time ago and I don’t share her real name. But I call her Catherine and so we had become friends as singles at the church and we were having lunch one day and everything. She’s having a great life and everything and then at the end of the conversation, she was like, but I just, I really want to be married. I just don’t, I’ve always my whole life dreamed of being married and having kids and I don’t think I can be happy. It can’t be a happy life if I don’t get married. So I was like, well okay, I’ll be praying for you about that. So I think it was a couple of years later and we probably got together in between, but I had been out of town or out of the country when she got married to a guy that I knew through the singles group at the church and he was a great guy.

Betty: So next time we got together she showing me pictures from the wedding. We’re rejoicing. I’m like, Catherine. You’ve you had everything except the marriage and now you’ve got this great guy in this great. It’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you and she was in toward the end of the conversation. She was like, Yeah, it’s great. I love him. It’s great. It’s wonderful. But we’re in this little tiny apartment. Now, I always dreamed, I would have a nice big house like, okay. I can pray for you about that. So then, in the next two or three years, they moved farther out in LA, to be able to afford a house. So they moved into a house. So next time we got together, she showed me pictures of the house. I mean, Catherine, you’ve got everything, you’ve got the great guy, and now you’ve got this wonderful house. Well, you know where this is going, right? By the end of the kind. She’s like, yeah, but we’ve been trying to get pregnant and it’s just not happening. And I don’t, maybe we’re going to have to adopt, I don’t know. And I’m like, okay, I’ll pray with you.

Betty: So the then I heard that they had kind of given up on the idea of her getting pregnant and they decided to adopt and everything was in the works. And and of course, this has happened to any number of people but about a month before the adoption, Shannon was absolutely final. She found out. She was pregnant but with twins. So the next time I got together with her, she had three kids under the age of two. My Catherine, you got everything you ever dreamed of and more. You’ve got a wonderful husband, you’ve got the beautiful house, you’ve got three adorable kids and she’s like, yeah, it’s all wonderful but it’s just so hard 3 kids that young eyes. Just can’t do it all. I think he’s going to hire some help for me and I’m like, okay, I want when I left that conversation, I was like, Lord. For the first time, I understand what people have been saying, that contentment is a spiritual issue. I always just never understood that if you everything is great about your life but you need one more thing. Well, if you’ve got that one thing, you’d be really happy. But now I understand that’s not true. You necessarily that it is a spiritual issue, it’s a heart is and when I look back on that, I feel sad because not only for her struggle, but because I wasn’t mature enough at that time to have a lot of wisdom for her and to help her see what was happening in the issue of contentment. And I would trust, I haven’t seen her for years and years and years, but I would trust that walking with the Lord. She’s gotten to a much better place with if she is but it taught me a lot. And I think just even sharing that has sometimes helped other women say, oh yeah, I kind of tend to do that you You know, the connection that’s got to be in the Lord, right?

Betty: Me and it doesn’t mean you can’t desire other things and even pray that God will bring Mary. And even the fact that you get married, there’s no guarantee you’re going to be able to get pregnant and have children. But just to trust the Lord for what he has that, he’s good and he wants good for you but it may be different than what you would have designed for yourself. But he’s he’s more important than that thing. Whatever it is that we feel like we have to have.

Christi: That’s powerful lesson that I appreciate you sharing it and that way. And giving such a tangible real example, that I’m sure we could all relate with it. Always seems like there’s a few things in our life that were praying about that. If those were answered, life would be perfect. And so, just learning to trust, whatever. The Lord has is, what is best for us? Whatever plan for our life Direction, whatever. Works. He has is to do, even if it’s not what we had envisioned trusting him, he gives good gifts. He knows what’s best and that’s I’m sure a lifelong learning struggle to just continue to trust God’s plan.

Christi: Well, shifting gears here, slightly experiencing that outward effects of Aging, AKA wrinkles gray hair, all of that. That With it. I think can probably be more difficult for a single woman because there is still a desire to look young to look good. So you can attract a man, you could still get married. How would you encourage a single woman who finds herself struggling with the aging process?

Betty: Well I think, wait a minute, it’s just natural. We’re all going to struggle with that to some degree, right? But I think from a Biblical standpoint, the passages in the New Testament. Just with the talk, make reference at all to a woman’s appearance, the focus is on the internal being more important than the external. And I don’t think it’s wrong for women to, you know, do the best they can with their appearance, but I think the question is spending an inordinate amount of time on externals. And I understand, I mean, guys are drawn to physical Beauty, and I understand that, but The Godly guy is going to be looking for a lot more than an external appearance, and hopefully, you want a really Godly die. If God wants you to be married, and the truth of the matter is the outward because we’re talking about aging, the outward is going to fade. So to sustain a relationship men and women, anybody you don’t want it to be dependent on physical appearance, that is going to fade in one way or another over the years.

Betty: God challenges us to work on the internals on the imperishable, quality of a gentle and quiet Spirit or, you know, first Peter 3 or in 1st Timothy 2, that talks about a woman’s appearance and being modest and discreet. And particularly, I think, in that passage in the context of public worship, or woman is not to dress, to go to church to drive. Everybody’s attention to her guys. Or anybody else? You’re there to worship God and Had put your focus on God and help everybody else to have their focus on God not dressed in a way that draws people’s attention to your body or to how you’ve closed your body that and that’s so opposite of our culture. I think the scriptures just when you read about how God talks about age or aging, you know, it’s always with a high degree of Honor because there’s wisdom. Hopefully, wisdom. Gained. And so I know for myself it’s been helpful to try and align my thoughts with what God thinks about this. And yes, it’s part of the curse. It’s part of, you know, not it’s not how things were meant to be and yet, God talks about it in a way that gives honor, and there’s Proverbs about it. And so thinking the trying to align my thoughts with how God Thinks about me and not how the world thinks about aging.

Betty: So countercultural, the, when I wrote those goals back, when I was 31 years old and thinking, none of these were directed specifically, to marriage or having kids. It was things. I felt like would be biblical either way but what I had written down one of my areas was health and appearance and I put to maintain my health and appearance in such a way that God is glorified. It in my body, which he bought with a dear price, to develop disciplined and healthy, eating habits under the holy spirit’s control. Because I always had see to overeat to exercise regularly for both health and appearance to dress and proper clothing modest discrete without spending an inordinate amount of time or money on externals. So, I mean, I still think that’s a legitimate biblical perspective.

Christi: So, going hand-in-hand with that going to maybe a little more serious and this may pertain to the women listening her in a specific age bracket, but I think it’s still good to think through some of these next seasons of life from a place of wisdom, so that it doesn’t become something you’re fearful about. As you look ahead, but menopause can be a difficult Valley for a single woman to walk through because it can be very final that She’s realizing that she will not have children. So was that something that you had to process through and how would you encourage other women that are facing that Valley?

Betty: Yeah, I do have to think about that. Some I think I think because for whatever reason I didn’t grow up with a sense of I have got to have children. I mean I wasn’t opposed to and I mean I’ve loved the kids in my life and I’m couldn’t be more grateful. For the little ones I got to live with and be a part of their lives. But I think in some ways it was not the huge struggle for me, that it has been with some of my friends and, I don’t know one other than why that wasn’t there as it’s such a passionate desire. I actually had to face that and give some thought and prayer to it before menopause, hit. Because at age, 37, I had a partial hysterectomy for tumors fibroid. Tumors new Is it was just partial, so they didn’t take my ovaries. So, so number of years later, I did go through menopause. But yeah. Just having to think about that that did mean. And I would never have children, but I think gradually as I just thought about it and prayed about it and was thankful for those kids in that family that I was a part of that. I was okay with that. And again, just trust in God, that, that was not something he had for me, but he had given me other people’s kids that were very Much a part of my life and as we talked about earlier adopting a family or really beginning to build a friendship with a family.

Betty: And I think for some young women who the desire to have children is so passionate. Sometimes spending time with other people’s children can be painful because it’s something somebody else has and I don’t have their own never going to have that. And, and I understand that pain. And yeah, and I think you just have to pray about that and think about what that Means that. But if you’re really not going to have your own children, you could be blessed by being a part of other children’s lives are really supporting another family, and helping kids be an important part of their lives and loving and caring for them.

Betty: I mean, when I meet people sometimes like some neighbors, the other night and got sit down, and spend some time with them in the evening, and was our first kind of real get acquainted time and they’re like, oh, do you have children? And I like, no, I’ve never been married and I said, well, but I’ve taught it. Masters, for all these years. I have several hundred kids, you know, obviously it’s not the same thing, of course, they Gods bless me with young women that have really wanted to draw, from what I could give them, not just in the classroom, but outside clients and then even to stay in touch of times, I mean, eventually they kind of usually move on or they, you know, once in a once a year, they’ll send me pictures of their family or, you know, that they stay in touch. And I’ve been blessed by those relays on I’m fully understanding. It’s not the same as having your own children, but I’ve been blessed with and it’s not a replacement but God can bless you, otherwise, with children and families.

Christi: And what a special thing that we have the church, and we have the body, and how it’s real, a place where you’re going to be rich in relationships. You’ll never be lonely as a single woman if you’re in the church, right? And really committed to the church. Yeah, yeah. Not just Filling up Sundays but you’re investing and I liked how you said one of your goals was initiating relationships because I think single women you can feel like well I don’t know where I fit in and you know kind of feel like the odd person out. But if you’re initiating, there are so many moms who would appreciate an extra pair of hands or just encouragement. You can offer or just anyone else in the church like yeah that’s what it takes is being the first one. Yeah.

Betty: And, and the reason I had put that in my goals was specifically because I had grown up as a pretty shy kid, and feeling insecure and socially awkward probably and just, but the more I began to study scripture, it was like, I’m called to love people. I’m not all the way to them to love me and try, I remember I was a part of a Friday night, singles, Bible study in those days and I can remember driving to that. Bible study preying on the way. Lord help me. To go with the mindset that I don’t need the approval of everybody when I walk in the door, but I have your approval. I’m okay with you. I can walk in and look around and see if there’s somebody else who needs somebody to talk to that, maybe they’re alone and they’re feeling awkward and I could go and initiate conversation with him. I mean, that didn’t initially in the beginning, that didn’t come naturally for me. It had to be something prayed through, you know, that, I think over the years. God builds that into me more and more, Still not perfect at that, but I think I’ve grown hugely in that area, but it was hard, making some of those adjustments. But to say, the Lord calls me, it’s a command to love others, and I can’t just sit back and always, wait for them to make it comfortable, for me to reach.

Christi: Yeah, that’s a real encouragement. Thank you Betty for leading, by example, in that way.

Christi: So our last question today and we’ve touched on some of this stuff Through this conversation. But how have you been able to serve the church and what areas do you see that Single Ladies have the unique opportunity to serve that married? Women may not have?

Betty: Okay. Well the Lord has blessed me with a lot of opportunities. I’ve been involved in women’s Ministries with the three or four churches. I’ve been a part of here through the years and my church. You recently just kind of came to an end after I led the women’s Ministries. 25 years there. It’s not a huge church but you know, but we had good Ministry and so I got to have a leadership team of four or five or six women over the years and to work with them. Some of them were younger and we’re learning about how to help and lead and women’s Ministries or to lead a Bible study group or something. So I was really grateful for that opportunity in that experience to learn for me, but support other women.

Betty: And it’s Ali, Christi, I’ve been amazed at for somebody who grew up really shy and public speaking. If you had told me that I would ever stand in front of five people and teach something I would have been in a panic and I’m not the world’s great public speaker and I’m fully aware of that, but when I look back over many, many years, it just stuns me, the places that pretty much in this country, but just different churches in some of it’s been students who graduated from Masters or some of the guys who why didn’t work with us on staff or went to Seminary and they have their own churches and they and their wives have invited me to come and speak to the women or just through various connections. Usually with Masters, but not always. But I mean, I’m like customer somebody who had no ability and no desire to do public speaking, but I think it came out of my growing excitement to study God’s word and to have the opportunity to share that with others, that gods. Helped me to grow in that but have more opportunities that I ever would have dreamed to be able to do some of that.

Betty: Living with the family. Was it was interesting. I I would not have realized this was happening but obviously something the Lord did by living with the family and the two kids when they were small later on mother. Almost all of the speaking that I’ve done has been to women’s groups at churches where the majority of the audience are married, women with children. I have all kinds of illustrations. I can put in with my speaking from working with these two little ones for the seven years that I lived with them. Some all of my speaking notes are probably sprinkled with some illustrations about working with kids. Not not me trying to present myself as an expert because obviously I’m not but just making little references. You know, when I was with these kids and we did this or they talked about the and it’s been interesting how I felt like the Lord did that thing. He just provided some illustrations for me that could help me connect with audiences of women who were married kids.

Betty: Another thing that’s been really that I never would have dreamed. I have a friend named Gail that we pray on the phone at night and we’ve been doing this every this month. It’s I won’t even say how many years. It embarrasses me to tell somebody how many years ago. We started doing this because it makes us sound way more spiritual and godly. Then we are. But I’m like, if you had asked me, can you for any number of years? Can you be on the phone every night for an hour with a friend talking and checking with her and her day? Make sure she’s okay. And then spend some time praying for people, do you, but both know all over the world, missionaries pastors friends, that you could do that every night with you know the rare exceptions for a number of years, I would have said you’re crazy. There is no way in the world. I can fit that into my Schedule, there’s no way I could do that.

Betty: Well, God had other plans. So, I’m on the schedule, speaking of the Whole Health and a guest appearance thing. I get on the track, I have a treadmill in my bedroom. I get on my treadmill every night. I watch the news on television. While I’m on the treadmill for about 4045 minutes and get awesome. We get on the phone immediately. So we’re not early morning, people we go to bed later at night because But we God’s blessed us was tons of people around the world that we get to pray for. And so that’s been a Ministry that I mean there because we’ve told people we’re praying and they know both of us their people, they’ll say oh my prayer warriors and like, oh I don’t feel like a warrior. I just feel like we’re just trying to bring your as I love where the Apostle Paul says he makes mention of you always and I said we’re making mention. We’re bringing to remembrance the number people. Whoa, I don’t feel like we’re boring over every single. Sin in great detail.

Betty: So anyway, to your question about the about single women, how that, you know, what I think, is one of the main things, and a lot of single women will probably say no, I don’t have more time than married, women with families, but there is a potential I think, for most single women to have unless they fill their time with other things, and every person’s got to evaluate their time. I mean, time is a gift from the Lord, and we are Responsible to be stewards in the same way, we are of the money that he provides, we are responsible to be stewards of the time that he gives us. It’s like when I talk with students and sometimes when we talk about time management, my class, some of the girls will say they’re on social media or four hours a day. I’m like, how what do you have to show for that? Oh, well, I was in a hurry, I only had 10 minutes to be in the word and pray this morning, but I had four hours to scroll through Facebook. I mean, I’ve said today, I’m not opposed to Facebook, they’re great reasons to do that and I miss out on some things. But I’ve said to them, if I were on Facebook, I would not get done half of what the Lord wants me to do so and I’m and I keep saying I’m a change that at some point.

Betty: So but I think everybody’s got evaluate single people. Especially, I mean, sometimes singles in churches are just known for what families, consider wasting their time and their money to you. Always going to restaurants spending money that families couldn’t afford to do spending time in frivolous ways. And certainly that’s not true of all singles and I don’t want everybody together and there can be really important things that singles are doing. But I would just say if you Steward your time, well, potentially, as you’re walking with the Lord, you have the opportunity to give more time in service to the church are people in the church.

Betty: And sometimes even had a job. If it’s a Ministry job. I remember years ago, one night at 10:00, we were still in our little building on campus and there were three of us at the copy machine. And one of the gals said, oh, isn’t it? Interesting. It’s all this, the three single women in the staff who are here 10:00 at night, trying to get everything, finished up for tomorrow. And so we laughed about that. But, but we were not angry or upset about that. We were like, we have the privilege to be able to stay until 10:00 at night and make sure It’s taking we didn’t have to do that every night and I think you could be in a job or Ministry or church where people could take advantage of that and you would have to have some serious and godly conversations about that. But potentially there’s the opportunity for four more time and freedom to move around and come and go and serve. You probably have some ideas about that too.

Christi: Yeah well I really appreciate All the points that you touched on. And I think what I like is, how you brought about the motivation of, you know, not jumping on time-waster things, not being selfish with your time so that you can serve others and transferring the focus off of yourself to something so much more important and of Eternal value. And yeah, I mean as I work a full-time job, I have lots of responsibilities Ministries. I’m involved with Besides the podcast. So I have to be very disciplined in my time in order to do all that I’m doing. But I wouldn’t trade, I love it and I love being able to use that time. Well, and I always thank the Lord for the privilege of ministry and just even doing something like this podcast. I don’t, I don’t deserve to be even part of it, but the Lord has, granted that and sustained me and giving me the opportunity. And so I want to Steward that. Well, Ah, but yeah, I think that comes down to time management. A lot of it is you have to cut out things.

Christi: And I think, too, because like, I’m taking care of a house, as well, on top of everything. So, on top of working, full time, I’m also homemaking and wanting to take care of that sphere because I think that is biblical for women to be keepers of the home. So in order to do that and Ministry and a job, yes, I mean there, Has to be things, cut out, and priorities set and discipline made. So, yeah.

Betty: And I think priorities that you just said that’s a huge issue. What really are the priorities? Because there are tons of things out there, we can spend our time, but eventually we won’t have anything worthwhile to show for it either. And what are God’s priorities, whereas and trying to not be controlled by all the distractions but to really be true to God’s priorities for us.

Christi: Well Betty, it was such a delight to have you on today. I just really appreciate how transparent you are and I know that I’m walking away encouraged and inspired to continue to walk, the path that God has set and planned for me and to do it well. And just by your example, wow, such an encouragement to see how God has used you, how he’s grown. You like you said, just growing you past being a shy. Introverted girl, to Ministry to so many women. And wow guy can do that. So it’s an encouragement to me and to listeners. I’m sure thank you for preparing so well, and for your time today, just so appreciate it.

Betty: Thank you. Thank you for inviting me. Christi, it’s a pleasure to be with you. Thank you.

Christi: You’re welcome.