EP 79

Welcome to the Smiling at the Future podcast.

My name is Christi Rose and this is my pursuit to glean practical wisdom on femininity, homemaking, finances, relationships and singleness from the God fearing men and women in my life.

Hope you enjoy this journey with me as we learn to smile at the future.

Hello everyone, Thank you for coming back each week to listen to these conversations.

If we haven’t covered a topic that you are dying to hear practical wisdom on, then please send an e-mail and submit your suggestion to Smiling at the Future podcast@gmail.com.

This is another episode covering a Titus two principle which is loving your children and the tightest 2 principles are the qualities that older women are instructed in God’s word to be training younger women how to do.

Rachel Zwayne is my guest today and she has the time tested experience of raising her own five children through all the different seasons from infant into adulthood.

She gives wisdom on how to prepare for this stage of life if God has that calling in your future.

But you will find that so much of what she shares will be helpful when you’re just interacting and encouraging the moms in your life and seeking to bless their children.

So here is my conversation with Rachel.

Welcome to the podcast.

Rachel, would you please introduce yourself to the listeners and share where God has you in life and ministry?

Thank you so much for having me.

I’m really excited to be here today and just here.

It’s a dialogue about motherhood and just just share some thoughts and some things that the Lord has done in my life.

And so I am 49 years old and have five children.

And they range in ages from 26 down to 16.

And one of our daughters is married and so she has two children.

So we have two grandsons now and are just very excited to be in this stage of life.

I have just been so blessed over the years to just learn so much that the Lord has just been teaching me about motherhood and I think in the different stages of life I’ve.

Really sought to remember some of the hard things I’ve gone through and wanted to remember those things because I want to be able to encourage other people that are coming behind me and that maybe are going through similar things.

So I remember when I was in high school and went through some heartbreak and some tough times with different relationships with boys and just felt like it was the end of the world and I just.

Purpose in my heart that I would never forget what it feels like to have a broken heart so that if I ever ran into someone that was walking down that road that I’d be able to say, hey, I know what this is like and you’re going to get through it.

And so I really specifically have a heart for young moms and wives as they are going through that season of just raising young children.

And I have just really wanted to remember the tough times and encourage them to work strongly with the word through it and so.

I have a little ministry online on Facebook and Instagram.

It’s called joyful Mothers and just as reminders to us to keep walking strongly and keeping eyes fixed on the Lord, and just to remember what God says about all the different things that we experience.

And so I actually started the group many years ago and wanted to start it on Facebook just for the sole purpose of keeping myself on track and making sure that I was really purposeful and seeking to find joy in the Lord, even when things were challenging.

And so brought some friends into the group and then decided down the line to make it more public.

And then it just grew.

And just see that need for for young moms to just have that encouragement specifically.

In that area of their lives.

So that’s kind of the main thing.

I’m, I’ve been married for 27 years now to my husband, Mills Wayne.

He is the president of Living Waters, which is a ministry that was founded by my father, Ray Comfort, if anybody’s familiar with him.

And so that’s why I have a little bit of an accent like my parents do, because we moved here from New Zealand when I was 14.

And during that period of time, that was really rough, moving so far away from friends and family and starting a whole new life.

And I was very homesick for a long time and wanted to go back to New Zealand and said when I’m old enough I will, you know, go back and live in New Zealand and then marry it.

And New Zealander.

But the Lord had different plans for me, so I ended up meeting my husband.

And so blessed by what?

What the Lord has just done and brought us through over the years.

So that’s kind of a little recap.

I don’t know if you have any other questions for me, if I miss something, but the recap of of me that was helpful and I heard about you through Instagram.

I think some of my friends had liked some of your posts and so it was showing up on my feed and just really loved your approach to mothering and how gospel centered it was and how encouraging it was.

And so even though I’m not in that season of life, I started following your posts and wanting to learn.

And that’s kind of what this discussion is about, as we’re kind of tackling the tightest 2 principles now and the podcast, but many of the listeners are we are all in the kind of the same boat.

We have yet to walk the road of motherhood, but we want to Start learning now and we want to start cultivating the right heart and mindset so that if the Lord calls us to that, we’ll be equipped.

We’ll be not just learning in the thick of it, but we’ll have put in some of the effort up front to respond well in the different challenges and joys and but know God’s word in how he views children and how we should view children.

So that is kind of launching into our my first question is how should Christians view children and what lies from the world do you see Christians believing, maybe even subconsciously, about children?

Yeah, well, I think I love that we’re having this discussion because, you know, I think back to even when I was single and my main focus was just finding a man, you know?

And so I was excited to have kids in the future, but I didn’t really think too deeply about what that would look like exactly.

And I know everybody’s different, so some women do think about it more.

But I I think it is so healthy for us to think along those lines and even just the children that we influence in our own lives while we’re single to have the right mindset, biblically of children.

And you know, we see in Psalm 127 three where it talks about how children are a gift from the Lord and there are a reward from Him.

I think our society sees it very differently, especially in regard to raising and investing in children.

Just looking at it as being not really notable or important, and that children restrict our freedoms and inhibit us from doing what is truly commendable.

And I think we have to be careful not to be influenced by that and downplay the role of a mother and just the incredible impact that a woman can have over her children.

And the investment, the the eternal investment into these beautiful souls that God has blessed us with.

And so I think we have to kind of fight against that and have have the right perspective and understanding that take it back to that place of of where we’re at when it comes to abortion.

Even obviously we starting from that, that vantage point of the disregard for life and so easily discarding an unborn child is just unfathomable.

But that’s this is a society that we live in.

So obviously we’re not going to value those lives.

And so we need to make sure that we’re not tainted by that, that we have that that right mindset before we’re married of just recognizing that if the Lord blesses us with children, whether it’s through adoption or you know or otherwise, that it is truly a gift from Him and having that right mindset of like just the the privilege of being able to raise these children and his ways.

But.

At the same time, recognizing that there are just there’s a humanist that’s involved, right?

So of course there are sacrifices and there is selflessness that is needed.

And so, you know, a lot of people will look at it in the way of just that, motherhood.

It is miserable and once you have children, your life is over.

And I think the reason that people view it that way is because sometimes the way that women that do have children communicate is in a very negative way about their children.

And I think that there is.

A way to communicate the hardships that we face in motherhood without making it completely negative and just a miserable way to look at it.

But infused into that is just the hope of the Lord that even in the hard times with our children, even on those hard days when we are exhausted and there’s a lot that we’ve put out for our children and just a lot that we’re investing, that the world’s going to bring us through that and so.

It’s just beautiful when I see women that are in the thick of raising children just filled with joy and not a fake kind of joy but just a a realistic like, yes, sometimes there are some really hot days.

But I’m so thankful for what God has given me and just this beautiful privilege that He’s given me to pour into their lives.

And just to to be the one that is such a strong influence and has this impact on their lives, and that can just nurture them up and raise them in the ways of the Lord and and teach them.

And his ways teach them, teach them the fear of the Lord.

And it’s just having that mindset that this is going to be a lot of work, but it’s so worth it.

And you know, when you’re realigning yourself with scripture, then that’s going to, you know you’re you’re going to be on track because you see just constantly throughout scripture just that that view of children, the blessing that they are and the gifts that they are from the Lord.

It’s so helpful when you when you’re able to see things that way.

Yes.

And it’s God’s plan for most people to be saved through Christian parenting, through Christian homes and doesn’t mean that every child will come to know the Lord in a saving way.

But that’s going to be our biggest influence and that’s how the scripture talks about mothering is the impact and influence a mother can have on future generations is amazing.

Some somewhat.

You were saying, as goes hand in hand with a quote that I have here by Marcy Farrell, who has the thankful homemaker ministry.

And she says, when you think about children, do these words come to mind?

Gift.

Fruit, rewards.

Blessings, arrows.

Or do we think burden, sacrifice, work, responsibility, obligation, expense.

How we think about our children will sooner or later determine what we say and what we do.

And so like the the Bible, God talks about children in those beautiful terms.

Gift, fruit reward blessing and arrows.

So training our minds to think, how does God think about children his priorities.

How can I align my will with his and the world.

Yeah.

Sees them as expensive and kind of halting your career or real life or your ambitions and goals getting in the way of that.

And we just have to really change our mindset and say, no, God doesn’t view children that way and we shouldn’t either.

We should have his priorities in this, in this calling of motherhood.

So how does the gospel play a central role in motherhood?

Well, it’s so crucial to have it at the forefront of your mind, because every day I think we’re reminded of what Jesus did for us.

As we are, as sin is being revealed and kind of there’s just, I think with everything that we experience in life, even when we’re single, you know, there’s challenges and there are people even in our lives that kind of stir up that sin that’s already in our hearts.

Whether it’s even when you get married as well or when you have children, there is just that stress and and busyness that.

Kind of stirs up what’s already in there.

And so it’s a reminder of just the confidence that we can have in Jesus because of the price that he paid for us, since they’re relying on just that grace, that sustaining grace, that the power to to make right choices and to do the right thing because of the gospel and what we’ve been saved from and.

So not only is it just for us as mothers to remember that and to preach the gospel to ourselves every day, bringing us joy and hope and our failures, because we are going to fail and we desire so, so desperately to be perfect, but we will fail.

We’re still living in these bodies of sin, but being able to lean on that and through that sharing the gospel with our children.

And there are so many opportunities.

To remind a children of the gospel, and obviously when they’re really tiny, it’s going to start off very simple how we disciple them through that.

But as they continue to sin and we discipline them and disciple them, those are opportunities for us to remind them that they need a saviour, that they cannot be good enough to go to heaven.

And there are so many worldly philosophies, especially in this day and age.

Now I’ve just.

These big feelings that children feel, and that all those feelings that they feel should be validated, and we should tell them that it’s OK to be angry, or to feel that hate, or to be jealous and validating it to try to make the child feel bitter about themselves.

And often times, Christian mothers can fall into this trap because it’s just.

Some of these things that that are communicated to them, this is how you should parent.

Well, it can sound OK, you know, at first glance.

But as you look into this, you start to realize like, wait a minute, if we’re validating all of these feelings, it’s like this is fine, this is fine, this is fine.

And that’s OK because it’s you know, you can’t help but feel that then there’s never an opportunity to bring them to the cross because you’re basically continuing to say you’re not doing anything wrong.

Everything goes and.

So I think that we have to, as mothers, be so cautious about the parenting strategies that we adhere to or we or we’re soaking in.

And I always encourage moms to not even follow accounts on Instagram or read books by people that are not Christians because they’re not going to have a biblical view of parenting and it’s just going to be this advice that.

Follows those same lines of just encouraging a child to follow their heart and that they’re a good person and all the things that are so incredibly unbiblical.

And so there are so many opportunities to be bringing the gospel to the forefront of our children’s minds and and reminding them until they’ve truly come to that place, of recognizing that they need a saviour.

And that really played out incredibly in my own life.

I was raised in a Christian home.

And had such great a great biblical foundation of hearing the gospel often.

And it just took that one time that the guilt was really getting to my heart.

When all of a sudden I truly understood that despite my hardest attempts to be nice to my two brothers every day, that I was not going to be able to do this.

And I remember going to my dad and I was I had been lying in bed.

At night, you know, because that’s when everything kind of hits you at the end of the day.

And I was probably about, I think it was about 7:00, and I just, I was really overcome with just conviction.

And I went to him and I was crying and I said, Dad, I just can’t stop being mean to the boys, which is what I call my brothers.

And it was just so simple, but truly that understanding of that.

I can’t do this.

I really do need Jesus that it’s not, you know, even though I did understand, it wasn’t about being good enough to go to heaven, because none of us can be.

It really was like reality, because I understood, after all of that sewing from my parents of just that need.

And so I think for many.

Parents, it can feel like, well, I’m just sharing over and over and over and it’s not really connecting.

But that sewing is so important because here it comes, that point where it just kind of clicks and the Holy Spirit does His work.

And so, yeah, the gospel is huge and it should be something that is just a big focus within our households.

Yes, and you don’t want to turn your children into Pharisees or legalists or just change the behavior.

But the goal is to reach the heart and to help them say you you need a new heart.

We can’t perfectly obey.

We do write God’s law.

We need his mercy and his forgiveness and his life in us to be able to live this way.

And you can see the difference in in children who were raised with more of a just a a rule based type parenting style, but without ever asking the heart questions.

And you see the the fallout of that and the negative fruit that they look good on the outside, but the inside is not renewed.

Exactly.

And just those reminders that it’s this is what God says, this is what God’s words is not, you know, this is how our family does it type thing, ’cause I remember counseling a young woman one time and she was sharing with me about how she was trying to appeal to her sister who was.

Doing something that was sinful.

And they had both been raised in a Christian home.

And she said that she told her sister, this is not how we were raised.

And, you know, I knew that she meant well with that, but I just reminded her that it’s not about how we were raised.

But this is not, you know, you are not living the life that God has called you to as a professing Christian.

And, you know, bringing them back to the word and not like these are our rules and you need to obey them, you know, and just well, here’s what God says.

So always bringing them back to Scripture.

And that would be an encouragement too.

And your singleness to know the word, well, not only for your own sake, but for the possibility of future children that you know the word and you can pour into them and use what you have learned to disciple them.

Yeah, and when you’re in the the thick of mothering, you don’t have a lot of mental capacity probably to to retain what you’re memorizing.

So now, doing it while you can, while you have the time, where you have the clarity of thought to devote to that, what are other attitudes that singles should seek to put off that would make it more challenging to love their children someday?

Yeah, I was just reflecting on this and reflecting on my single days.

I did get married pretty young at 22, but I still had enough singleness to, you know, an independence even from my parents.

And I just remember reflecting on some of that time that I was pretty self focused during that time.

And I could have done maybe with a little bit more of a reminder in this regard that to not be thinking so much about myself.

I remember going to New Zealand to visit family and I went there for about a month or so.

And I think it was probably about 21 at this point.

And my aunt had had just had a baby or the baby was probably about maybe 10 months old or so.

And I was so excited to see my cousin and you know, a baby cousin because there was a big age gap between US and it was really fun to see her.

And but after I became a mom and reflected back on that time when I stayed with my aunt and uncle in New Zealand, I thought back about how I didn’t really think one time to offer to help with the baby.

Or, you know, I would go on walks to get exercise.

And I thought I could have asked you like, hey, do you want me to take the baby in the stroller and give you a little break?

And so it just reminded me that I wasn’t doing anything intentional in that sense of, like knowing what I should do but just deciding I’m not doing that type thing.

But still, like, I wish I had known like, oh, this would mean the world to her if I just gave her a little breather.

And so it was just a good reminder of just how easy it is to kind of live your life and you just get pretty independent as a single person and then you can you can really become quite selfish.

And so I think just putting off that selfishness and asking what how you can learn how to be more others focused and not so much as like, well, I can’t do that because I need to have some me time or some leisure time.

And of course, like the Lord just gives us a blessing of rest and we need to take care of ourselves.

But sometimes when you’re single, it’s easy to kind of take that too far to where you just you kind of do everything that feels good and that’s easy for you and you are missing out in a sense on serving others.

And I think that can be hard to transition into motherhood if you are kind of if if that becomes so important to you and so huge to you that you have times a lot of time to relax and just do all these fun things where it’s somewhat imbalanced.

And so I think just having that balance of really having your eyes wide open, how can I help others during this time of singleness where I wouldn’t be able to help?

I have my kids in the same way.

And it’s interesting because I think it does.

When you become a mother, you start to become even more sympathetic to others because you are somewhat tied down.

And so I remember once I started to realize, well this is like a lot of work and and it can be quite overwhelming at times.

I would see other mothers around me and think, oh I want to help them too because they’re struggling And and I would try and do my best at helping but there was only so much I could do.

But someone who’s single has a lot more freedom to say, hey let me do this for you or let me run these errands.

Like those things are so simple for someone that doesn’t have to be as concerned about little ones.

So I think even just thinking more, you know, be being others minded in any way, shape and form, it doesn’t have to be helping mothers.

It could be all kinds of things that you’re serving in.

But it’s just that that mindset of learning how to be selfless, so that you’re preparing yourself to even serve your children and your husband and it doesn’t come as some big blow of like, whoa, I have Billy any time for myself.

And so just a balance.

You’re obviously not feeling condemned over it in any way whatsoever.

There should be time just to enjoy the things that God’s blessed us with.

But just being having that your eyes open to that and looking around and and seeing through those eyes of of like how much you could help someone even by the smallest thing.

Because you can bless a mother pretty pretty easily, because even just doing some shopping for her or something or, you know, whatever it might be, just some type of errand would be really helpful.

So just something to keep in mind.

Yeah, those are.

That’s such a great piece of wisdom and like you said, it translates into marriage too.

And being selfless is something that’s going to bless everyone in our lives and it’s a it is hard to die to ourselves.

I definitely still working on that, still seeing that.

So much in my life.

But we know that the Lord is faithful if He will complete the work in US, and He knows how to help us in that good fight of putting off sin and putting on the right character.

So on the flip side of that, what would be the character that women should be?

Single women should be cultivating that would make it easier to love their children someday.

Well, I mean, death to self obviously is is, you know, what we’re talking about here, the opposite of being selfish in lots of different ways.

I think it’s just kind of like part of spiritual maturity and life that we need to be moving forward and learning how to guide yourself in situations that are very challenging.

And so I’m not trying to always take the easy way at but learning how to do the hard things in life so that you just are strongest spiritually.

I mean, basically I think it’s just in general building those spiritual muscles and deciding that you’re going to make that difficult decision or you’re going to move forward and deal with that very difficult person in that moment and be patient and loving when you don’t feel like it.

Because we kind of push aside or we push into tomorrow our spiritual growth and then we continue to do it day after day.

And then we find ourselves months and years down the line where we have not matured emotionally and relationally and the Lord.

Because the really the way that we do mature is by making those hard decisions and dying to ourselves.

That’s how we build those muscles.

And so you know we can pray for patients all day long and you know pray for growth in lots of different areas.

But until we start to learn how to to face different situations that are really challenging for us, whether it be even our own parents or siblings or a difficult friend.

Learning how to die to yourself and handle those hard situations that when your emotions are are rising and you’re feeling a lot.

Deciding, no, I’m not going to respond in the way that my flesh wants to.

I’m going to respond with a soft answer and I’m going to do the right thing in this moment, even though it feels like I’m going to explode, you know?

And I think adding to that those attitudes to put on would be learning to manage your stress well.

So in whatever area of life it is, the things that really stress you out, learning how to manage that.

And because a lot of times what we find when we have children is there is a lot of stress and chaos.

And so being able to say, OK, I’m going to make it through this.

So it’s going to bring me through it and I’m going to take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow sufficient for the days, it’s untroubled.

But learning that habit of just surrendering that to the Lord, because when we are stressed, it puts us in a place of being very prone to responding with frustration and irritability to our loved ones, whether it’s our husbands or our children.

You know, we’re stressed, we’re overwhelmed and so now we’re we’re just agitated and frustrated and we’re not able to love our families well.

And so learning how to manage it and in a sense it’s almost good when we encounter stress so that we can.

Obviously we don’t want to just become people that just invite stress all the time.

But for most of us, you know, we, each of us handles stress differently and some of us have more stresses and some have less.

But inevitably I think all of us are going to encounter it.

And so learning how to just respond well to it and Rolex heels onto the Lord and I think kind of going hand in hand with that as well is just fear and anxiety.

Learning how to handle that as well.

And and when it comes to just trusting the Lord because when you have children it kind of changes your.

I feel like it almost changes your brain and the sense of now you have this little child that you need to to care for and protect and you would lay your life down for them and then all of a sudden it’s like, but I can’t protect them completely, only so much.

And then that fear and anxiety can come into play, just worry about your children.

And so learning just that, that habit of those other fears and anxieties that you have in your life, obviously, first and foremost, just as believers in general, all of us should be seeking to grow and trusting the Lord.

Because unless you have some medical condition when it comes to, you know, anxiety, just the average anxiety and fear that we experience, you know, we are called to in scripture to not be anxious for anything and to cast our cares on the Lord and to trust him with all of our hearts.

And so that should be our aim.

And as we are growing in that, then it’s going to set us up to be able to love our children better.

Because when a mother is fearful and anxious all the time, she’s not truly able to love her children completely and freely because she’s just so bound up with this fear and anxiety.

And it can cause to make decisions based on fear and anxiety rather than out of wisdom.

And so I think that that’s that would be something that would be important to focus on even in your singleness.

Yeah, so, so helpful.

There’s a little booklet that I’ve been reading a few times over the past month or two called Found God’s Peace by John MacArthur.

It’s just a little booklet, but.

It just walks you through how to Biblically deal with your fear and anxiety and the scriptures that are going to help you to meditate on and prayer being such a crucial element and all of that, it’s just like you said.

I’m sure it just gets amplified when it’s not just your life anymore that you’re fearful about, but it’s other people that you’re keeping alive.

Exactly.

And it only builds over time because then you have grandchildren and then you’re worried about them.

So it’s like you’ve got to be able to to be convicted that this is an area that you want to seek to have under control And of course a lot is so sympathetic with us and he helps us and our weaknesses in this regard.

He knows that we are butt dust and we have access to His power, and that’s why we have hope.

It’s not that we have hope in ourselves to accomplish these things, but it’s we have the Lord’s power and His promise that He will help us.

So going.

I don there’s not a good segue to this next question, but but again, many of the ladies listening are single.

And so when a woman is dating, when is it appropriate to talk about children in that dating process?

And what areas do you think it’s really important for a man and a woman to line up on as far as child rearing?

Well, I think obviously, definitely you should start talking about or you should discuss children if you’re talking about marriage.

But obviously that’s not normally something that happens within the first few weeks of dating.

So I think honestly I think that I would say, yeah, definitely if you’re starting to discuss marriage, then that’s where for sure you should be talking about it.

But I do feel like we’re all built so differently.

So some, I think for a lot of Christians, it would naturally come up even sooner than that just because Christians seem to get younger, get married younger than others or more quickly, you know, And I think that it’s, you know, as you’re just discussing life or even just discussing other people’s relationships or different things, I think it it tends to come up naturally.

But if it hasn’t for some, for some women, then I think, yeah, definitely, if there’s any, like hint of talking about marriage, then it’s definitely important to be discussing it at that point before you even get engaged.

So then the second part of the question though, what areas should you align on in child rearing?

Was that the second part?

Yes, OK.

So I think here are just some of my thoughts on that and I’m sure there’s people that have would have more to add, but these to me would be the most important.

I think their education is important.

So deciding whether you want to send them to public school or private Christian School or homeschool them, that’s a very big decision.

And it wouldn’t, you wouldn’t want that to be something that, you know, as your kids near school age, all of a sudden you realize, wait, we’re really not on the same page with this because I think it’s a very big decision for you know which which direction that you take with that.

And so it would be very important to be on the same page.

And I don’t think it has to necessarily be to look perfect in the sense of I know some people have gotten married and maybe one was kind of really wanted to homeschool and the other is really unsure but has some openness to it, then that’s not as big of a deal.

But I think if someone is very strong on a certain point, whether it’s Christian School or homeschool, whatever it is, and you know, they’re polar opposite with it, that’s going to be a big point of contention.

And I think it’s definitely something that you need to to work through because it’s such a big part of your children’s lives and then discipleship, what that would look like for your children.

I know that there are a lot of women that have gotten married and their husbands just don’t have a passion or like a vision for their family when it comes to discipleship.

So it’s something that the mother kind of has to take on and becomes a point of contention and sadness for the woman because she feels that her children are not being discipled or LED in the Lord.

So I think that’s huge, like making sure that you’re on the same page, that this would be a huge priority to do family devotions and to just be pouring God’s word into your children and then discipline of your children what that would look like and making sure that you that all lines up publicly for both of you guys.

Also convictions on birth control, that would be another big one.

And then and another one I was thinking of was what his take is.

So for the guy, if you know, if you’re the woman, like wondering what his take is on involvement in in attendance of church and being involved in the body.

Because that is a really big deal of like what your vision is for your family.

And it’s amazing the impact that that can have on children.

Obviously, as Christians, it should be huge to us that we are serious about finding a solid biblical church and that we are actively involved and consistent to be in attendance and meeting with the body of Christ, gathering together with the Saints.

And when you get married, it’s important to be on the same page with that.

And so that you can raise your children that way and that they can see the importance of that in their own lives.

And that bears a lot of fruit for children that see that their parents are one of one mind about that issue.

So those would be the things that I think are important.

Great, great.

I’m going to probably put those on Instagram in a list form so I can remember Those are great.

So what about many of the?

People listening today are women that are, you know, getting older and still single, but maybe they do have a heart for children and maybe the thought has crossed their mind.

Should I consider fostering or adoption?

Do you have any any thoughts on that for a single woman to look into that?

I think that I don’t believe that it is wise to pursue that Ave. because God’s perfect design is that a child have a mother and father and so that’s what we should be shooting for.

I think there are some exceptions to this, but I think those would be few and far between.

Maybe something more like on the mission field or something where there’s just, you know, a woman has committed her life to being on the mission field and she’s not been able to get married and found someone that’s that has that same vision and there’s these children that are in need.

I think there are those type of situations.

But in the average situation I think that there just needs to be that patients fear that seeing that the the ultimate is for children to have a mother and father.

But then at the same time being able to pursue, nurturing and discipling children through other avenues.

Where it’s with whether it’s helping at church and serving in children’s ministry or coming alongside even single moms and just being there for them or different family situations, maybe even coming alongside families that are fostering and have adopted where they are feeling just the intensity of the situation or maybe they’re, you know, just just in need of some support.

I think that would be a great way for a woman who’s single to say, hey, what can I do to serve you and help you as you have are just loving on these children in this way.

So I think there are different ways that you can, you know, if you have that deep desire in your heart that during this time of singleness you can go about it a different way and still be actively just pouring into children’s lives and having being a great example and a great influence on them.

I think there is so much opportunity for that.

Yes, there is.

And if you’re like you said at the beginning, if you’re just, if your eyes are open to the needs around you, then you’re going to.

You’re going to see the needs.

We actually I did an episode a while back.

I can link it in the show notes on how to minister to single moms and just hearing from two single mothers the challenges of trying to be mother and father to your children.

And so there are many practical ways that we as single women can bear help bear that burden and come alongside that.

God has uniquely given us this time and the season to.

Devote to caring for the needs of others.

So our final question today, what attributes and promises of God have been on display in your own journey of motherhood?

Yes, so many, so many.

And I think even the single woman listening will be able to identify with me and this because it it’s the same types of things just that we experience as believers in general but just more applied to motherhood.

Obviously his grace that is just sufficient and abundant and so consoling as I failed often and just need his comfort and that failure of just longing to do everything perfectly and knowing that I can’t.

And then of course his sympathy that he sympathizes with my weaknesses.

Hebrews 415 and.

That is so consoling to me.

Just knowing, like, you know, when you have this biblical view of God, then you’re going to just live in this constant place of confidence and joy because you’re going to understand his grace and his that he pities us like a father pities his children.

There’s just his loving eye is upon us and he will work all things for a good and just also the consolation that he’s with me every day and through all the ups and downs there’s you know, especially when your children are young and you’re in the thick of just doing everything for them and needs pulling on you all the time.

It’s quite lonely because it’s just difficult to be able to get out and connect and even have an an uninterrupted conversation.

And so knowing that he was, he’s been with me.

And then also knowing that he will give me all the wisdom that I need because there’s so much wisdom that you need as you’re caring for these little souls.

And they’re all so different from each other and they have lots of different emotions and feelings and you have emotions and feelings as well.

And bringing those all together and just feeling like you.

It’s hard to think straight sometimes or make decisions that that he gives us that wisdom liberally.

And then also we talked earlier just about him remembering that were dust and, you know, him.

Knowing my frame and my humanness, We read that in Psalm 103.1, Psalm 10314 always been a consolation to me knowing that that God remembers that I’m human.

I’m going to get those feelings and I’m going to struggle to do what’s right.

I’m going to even not want to do certain things that I know I write, like even read my Bible or pray.

There is going to be times when I get those feelings and I’m going to say I have to say, Lord, this is what I’m feeling right now.

Will you please just change that and help me?

And knowing that he’s not like, what a loser, you know, But he’s like right there remembering that humanness because of Jesus too, and his his humanness like that understanding that’s there.

And then also that and him that we have all we need to live a life of godliness.

That you know when you’re feeling weak and you just feel that you are not able to do the things that you know are right.

That there is that strength in him.

And that as we keep coming to him over and over and asking for him to change our hearts and to help us to be kind when we don’t feel like being kind or help us to be patient when we just feel like we want to explode that that’s so possible.

And his strength as we just rely on him.

And so I’ve just seen his faithfulness.

I mean, there’s so much more I could say, but that’s kind of like just a a little part of what I’ve seen of just his promises played out in motherhood for me.

So beautiful it makes me think of the when we get to heaven, just that affirmation from the Lord, well done, good and faithful servant, and how we all long to hear that.

And it’s all through his strength and enabling.

Do you have books on mothering or parenting that you would recommend that have been influential in your own shaping your own heart?

On this topic, yes.

My favorite is it’s called Shepherding a Child’s Heart.

Heart as Americans would say by Ted Trip.

This one we read many years ago when our oldest was just born, or at least within her first year, and was so helpful.

And it just really gets down to just those reminders of parenting being needing biblical parenting, needing to be a focus on what’s going on in the heart.

Not about the outward behaviors and having these kids that are just obedient and everybody says, oh, you have such great kids.

But really getting down to what’s going on in their hearts and bringing them back to the word and disciplining them and discipling them and really having that right focus that that the world would say is not the right way to do it.

But the words is.

And that book was just been such a blessing in our lives and I recommended a lot.

And actually with some of our kids during their high school years, we had them read it just because we felt it would be so beneficial for them to even understand kind of line of reasoning with how we parent, but also and just the younger children that they encounter.

And so I feel like every person, person should read it and it it’s very helpful even before you have your own children to have that mindset.

If you’re involved with children, whether it’s your nieces or nephews or you’re helping and children’s mystery or you’re a teacher.

This is a great book to have read and just learned to some amazing principles and insights that would just help you to see things the way that we should be looking at them.

And not just trying to kind of do some kind of quick fix with that kids, but really get to the heart of the issue and walk them through the wire of different things and to they understand what God’s requirements and understand his grace and his mercy.

And and obviously, you know, the gospel is riddled throughout the whole book.

And so that would be definitely my first pick for someone who’s single, but a couple of other ones that are really good.

If you’re an avid reader, it would be a book that’s called Parenting, and that’s by Pull Tripp, which is Ted Tripp, the one who wrote the shepherding book, His Brother.

And so it’s just in the family.

They’re great writers and just amazing men of God.

And so that one is phenomenal as well.

And then of course, John McArthur, his book What the Bible Says About Parenting, is just so solid and just so much good stuff in there.

But I think just in general it’s you know, if your if your life touches children and you’re involved in them, I involved in their lives.

It’s just it’s so helpful to see things from that right perspective.

My oldest daughter is a teacher, 2nd grade teacher and she’s 26, she’s single and she is really she she teaches them at a a Christian School.

So she has a lot of freedom to really just constantly be showing the gospel.

But she really is discipling these children because she has the ear for many hours a day.

And so there are great opportunities that we can take just to get to these children’s hearts and and recognize that these little squabbles that they have with each other or even, you know, when a child is struggling because they can’t do something and they’re frustrated and they’re angry, all these little things that we see children do or act out or they’re disrespectful, there are opportunities for us to come in and talk to them about what God says about what they’re doing.

You know, often times we were just like, hey, quit it, stop doing that.

And and not really take the time to talk through like, what?

What does God say about that anger?

Or what does God say about how you’re arguing and yelling with each other and just different things like that, where we could just be more mindful of an opportunity to pour into these kids.

And actually, that reminds me of another book for teenagers.

In case you’re, you know, you’re someone who’s involved with some type of ministry with teenagers.

Pole Tripp has a book, the one who wrote Parenting called Age of Opportunity.

And that’s for parenting teens.

And I love the title of that because I think, you know, in general for all children it’s it’s the same.

But sometimes we can look at the teenage years as being kind of frustrating.

And I love his perspective like, this is an opportunity for you to pour into these kids lives.

And even though there are situations with children that can be frustrating because they don’t always do what that we want them to do, there’s so much opportunity for us just to show grace and mercy and kindness and love.

And I think that really goes back to even what we’re talking about at the beginning about how we view children.

You know, we know as Christians that they’re such a gift from the Lord.

But there is the reality of humanness like we talked about.

And in that humanness, yes, children and teenagers can be very, very difficult to be patient with at times.

That’s first of all where we need to take a step back and say, well, can I be a little difficult sometimes?

You know, like it’s so easy for us to look and and think like, oh, the, you know, that age group is frustrating or it’s hard to be patient with them.

But, you know, we have our own sins and we have our own weaknesses.

And sometimes we need to take a step back and think about that.

So there’s more grace.

But as Christians, the way that we view children, we should be viewing them through eyes of just patience and love and just sympathy because they need training, they need to be discipled.

And you know, Proverbs talks about how foolishness is, is bound up in the heart of a child.

I think about even me.

As a teenager, I had so much foolishness in my heart and just in my thinking because I was very naive about things and just thought I understood life.

And so we have to come come alongside of them patiently and share from our experiences and and show them the way.

And often times adults are just frustrated and so annoyed that kids won’t get into line.

But they’re not taking the time to train and to teach and be patient.

And obviously as a parent there needs to be coupled with that discipline as well.

But I think it’s just we don’t want to take the time to be patient because it’s death to self.

It doesn’t always feel fun, and it takes a lot of sewing and patience to we even see fruit a lot of times.

And so, yeah, I think that we just have to make sure that we’re seeing things through the lens of what God’s Word says about how we should view others and our patience and love and gentleness, and remembering what we’ve been forgiven of ourselves.

So so helpful Rachel.

And you said a word earlier that you just said being aware and.

Taking those opportunities, and I think that’s the starting place for many of us singles, is we.

It can be easy to just ignore children in our lives, just talk to the adults.

They’re just kind of there.

They’re maybe noisy, they’re distracting, they’re disrupting the conversation.

But we should not have that attitude towards children.

We should be aware of them.

We should understand that this is a great.

Area of ministry for us, acknowledging them, getting down their eye level, talking with them.

Yes.

And 11.

Quick story, really quick.

That just came to mind.

Just even with my daughter when she, she just has so many stories after her school day.

But there was one day that she had her students write down something that makes them happy or something that made them joyful.

And one of his students wrote down something like, I was so filled with joy when Miss Wayne patted me on the head when she walked past me one day because she was doing her schoolwork and my daughter came by and just patted her on the head.

And it was just such a small act that my daughter didn’t really even think about.

But the student, it just meant so much to her because she looks up to my daughter.

And I think we underestimate, especially younger children.

Sometimes teenagers get their attitudes going and they don’t care about all the people.

But you know the youngest children, I mean they when you give them attention, especially one-on-one, and you look at them and appreciate them and ask them questions and want to know about them or encourage them, it just puts wind in their sails and they remember those things.

And so we can have an impact pretty easily and even more so than maybe not more so in general, but a lot of times it stands out more than their own parents because they kids tend to kind of look outside of their homes sometimes and and gravitate towards certain people.

I remember that growing up, like if someone older paid attention to me, I was just like, oh wow, like it just they were almost like a celebrity or something, you know.

And so I think we we need to take into account like that we really can make such a big difference in children’s.

Yes.

Yeah, that’s.

I love that how you said it and it’s.

So true.

I remember so many times when adults paid attention to me and just that impact.

And sometimes kids will listen to someone other than their parents a little more readily so you can have a spiritual impact on them in that way.

Well, thank you so much, Rachel.

Helpful wisdom.

And as we look ahead and whatever the Lord calls us to, He has called us to minister to children in whatever format that is.

And so, well, thank you so much for having me.

It’s just been so great to to chat about this.

Thank you.